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Post by Marius Benoit on May 27, 2009 23:35:59 GMT
The Beginning - 1800
Its been ten years since it all happened, a lot has happened and as not to forget those fragile human memories I have learned to read and write thanks to a true gentleman I met named Carlisle. In doing this I can record these memories forever so that in years to come when the memories are faint I can look back on them and remember, I will never forget who I once was and I will never let the monster within me win.
I was born on June 21st 1789, the year the French Revolution began in Paris. Though I do not remember much of growing up in Paris I remember seeing horrors that no child should ever have to see. My Parents moved us out to a small village on the outskirts to protect me. I always vowed that my children would know a safe life, unlike my childhood. I think now how this never may be and it saddens me, my family were my world and now I am doomed to a life without them.
However I digress, we lived in the small village living on a farm, I was ten when the Revolution came to an end, seeing all the blood shed so young strengthened me and I like to think I grew up with good morales and values. Our lives were simple and I did my best to make life for my parents easier, its strange how some memories of them have faded so quickly, though of course the strongest memories are of the night they died. I remember my mothers stew, the smell of her pies as they cooled on the window. Her long brown curly hair that she used to tickle my nose with as a small boy. I barely even remember my father, I guess it is because he like me worked so hard to keep the family afloat.
I remember that night ten years ago as if it was yesterday, its a day you never forget, the day our soul is damned for eternity. It was dusk, my mother was cooking whilst my father and I worked on fixing one of the chairs that had broken. I remember hearing what sounded like a group of animals outside growling, then the screams of our neighbours as they filled the streets. The looks of horror on my parents face still haunt me as the door was broken down. There were two of the beasts that I now know to be fledgling vampires. One went straight for my mother and the other for my father.
I froze, I saw my parents torn to shreds before my very eyes. I had never felt dread before but I did that night. They turned on me next though it seemed their bloodlust had been saited slightly, perhaps they were just toying with me and thats why I survived. I tried fighting them off to no avail, the scars that cover my body is my constant reminder of that moment and the knowledge that I was going to die. Though as quickly as they had attacked they had gone, I didnt know why they left. I remember though feeling as if my body had been thrown into a bonfire. I dont know how long my screams raged into the night.
When I had gathered my strength I crawled away, away from the destruction taking with me only the box of keepsakes my parents had treasured. I went into the forests, I didnt know what was happening, I only remember wishing with every moment that passed that I would die. It took days for the fire within me to stop, the first thing I remembered was the burning hunger in my throat, deep and needy. I resisted every urge I had, the urge to kill, the urge to drink their blood. I hid in the forests starving myself hoping that maybe, just maybe I would perish there and join my parents in heaven.
I dont know how long I staved off my hunger, but soon it was too much to bare. Lost in my frenzy I attacked and drained a wild boar, the poor creature was no match for my unatural strength. In that moment I realised that I didnt need the blood of humans to survive, but I didnt trust myself with human company and so to this very day here I hide in the forests surviving off the animals here.
I do not know where this life will lead me, but now Carlisle has given me the gift of writing I will keep my thoughts on the pages I write. I vow I will never forget my human life and may these fragile pages remain with me for all the years to come.
Marius Gabriel Benoit |
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Post by Marius Benoit on May 27, 2009 23:37:41 GMT
The Angel Sent from the Heavens - 1800
It has been several months now since the vampire Carlisle has left my life, but still hope grows within me when I remembered his words. Thinking back I realised how much he had taught me and how blessed I was to have him teach me. I think back to that night when he found me and I have decided to write it here, so like my human life I shall never forget it.
Is was a warm night when I met him, early september perhaps? Before we met I didnt keep track of the days, I thought there was very little point. I was sat in the trees of the Ardennes looking out around me when I had picked up his scent, I had never encountered another vampire since the night I changed and I was curious. I was expecting something like me, or those that turned me but I was suprised with the man I found. He was civilised, neat and tidy, not the mess that I had become. I knew he had sensed me, I could see him coming towards the tree in which I sat.
In seeing this vampire, so civilised, whilst I looked like a wild man confused me. The only other vampires I had known were monsters, yet this man was different somehow. I moved down the tree and met him at the bottom, the sight I must have been. I only had the clothes that I had worn that night I was changed, they were barely holding together they were mere tatters covering my form. He seemed so perfect, like something sent from heaven, whilst I looked like something from the depths of hell. I remember so well the reaction from him, it wasnt of the state of my clothes, but the colour of my eyes that seemed to truely shock him. I knew my eyes were strange, golden in color, unlike the monsters that attacked me whos eyes were bood red.
I noticed he too had eyes like mine, Golden and bright, it made me wonder who this man was. He was the first soul I had met since my change ten years before, the situation was strange to me. Yet the stranger had a warm welcoming smile on his lips, reaching out a hand in greeting he introduced himself as Carlisle, and although he spoke french I could tell his accent was english. I dont know how long it was we sat and talked, he told me how like me he had never given into human blood and that he was already over a hundread years old. Talking to him then made me realise that it was possible not only to live off animal blood, but that it was possible to resist human blood too.
Carlisle left me that night but promised to return the next day. I half expected him to never return, but true to his word he returned baring new clothes for me to wear. I realised then that Carlisle was a man of his word, gentle, compassionate and unjudging of people he didnt know. He stayed with me for a month or more, visiting me in the forests as he taught me how to read and write. I dont think I ever admired anything more than this one man, he has given me hope in my darkened days. Hope that one day my bloodlust will calm and that I once again will be able to live alongside humans as he does.
When it was finally time for Carlisle to leave I felt great sadness, but who would know if our paths would ever meet again. I promised never to forget him, and within these pages that he has given me to write I shall make sure the memory stays with me always. I hope that we meet again, time will tell and I hope when I do I can make him proud by showing him the strong, calm and friendly vampire that I hope I will become.
Marius Gabriel Benoit |
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Post by Marius Benoit on May 27, 2009 23:43:36 GMT
Returning to the Mortal World - 1810
It has taken me another ten years since meeting Carlisle to feel the strength to make the big step to move out of the forests and back into human life. Over the past ten years I have slowly been testing myself, strengthening my willpower as I strayed closer and closer to human homes. Even though I have never tasted their blood, hearing their hearts beating and smelling their scents caused my throat to burn with hunger. Were it not for the thought of Carlisle and how much I admired what he had done I believe I would have given up years ago.
Once I felt in total control being outside peoples homes I started testing myself on the streets in the evenings, avoiding the sun like the plague. I found that the more time I spent around them and the more I kept myself full on animal blood, the more in control I was. A few months ago I took the brave step forward and wandered into a small village during the day. It was cloudy and I could feel peoples eyes on me, but I coped. I even spoke to a lovely man, I told him I was new to the area and he said he had a small hut on the edge of the village for rent. I didnt have any money, but I told him I would work for my keep and so it was agreed.
It was strange moving back into civilisation, all those years living like a beast in the woods and there I was back within stone walls. It made me realise how blind mortals could be, all my life I have lived for everything within those four walls, the world was a big place and it needed to be embraced. Before I could do that however I needed to earn my keep. I did all sorts of chores for the man, he was infact the local ferrier and had a lot of business going his way. He didnt really need my money that much. I fixed up the hut, chopped wood, cared for horses, everything he threw at me I took in my stride.
Now as odd as it seems he pays me for my work, he sees it only as fair since I do more than my up keeps worth. Of course though I have little need of the money and so I save it. I dont need food or firewood or any such material things. Infact the only thing I need are fresh clothes and they are cheap enough for me on what the Ferrier reguards as a pitiful wage. The village people are welcoming, though I hear them whisper behind my back, I do not think I will be able to stay here much longer. Rumours have already started flying around about my pale cold skin, the fact that I am so withdrawn and avoid their questions. I fear that the life Carlisle had built for himself wasnt the most comfortable, but it was something that I was determined to achieve.
Marius Gabriel Benoit |
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Post by Marius Benoit on May 27, 2009 23:44:55 GMT
Love is not meant for Monsters - 1823
I have spent many years travelling France, I never realised how big the country really is, however something has occured that will force me to leave my home forever. I cannot stay here after what I have done and after I have written this I shall leave. I cannot hide from myself the monster that I am, no matter how hard I try to forget. May this entry be a constant reminder to what I am, to what I will always be...
It was only a year ago that I came across the french city of Lille. The life there was much different to those of the small towns that I had frequented before. I had amassed a fair amount of money so finding a place to stay wasnt a problem. I hadnt expected to stay long, I normally only stayed a few months before moving. However I was to find a reason to outstay my welcome here in this City, the reasons name was Fleur-de-Lys. Fleur is the daughter of the local judge and her beautiful name matched her beautiful face.
We met at the local market and we spent our time talking. Talking with her seemed so natural, though I found it so hard to let go of what I am, it was constantly on my mind and I had to make our talking session short as the deep burn in my throat nearly got the better of me. I had never been so close to such a fine lady since my change, her scent was sweet and it made me hunger for her blood. I look back now and think perhaps it was my lust for her blood that made me drawn to her rather than my feelings for her as a person? I guess I will never know now but perhaps I have learned a valuable lesson from it.
Our relationship bloomed slowly over many months, talking and testing myself with her. I will never forget the first time she held my hand, watching her flinch broke my heart, I tried so hard to be careful around her, but what would be in the future? She was so young and intelligent, but she would grow old in time and I could never give her a family. Though I stubbornly pushed those things aside, romancing her like the men in my books. Though I was always careful not to be alone with her, I never trusted myself. I would give her flowers, arrange a suprise carriage ride or cook her and her family a meal.
Then finally last night Fleurs father took me to one side, what he said chilled me to the core, though it should have made me happy. He could see how happy Fleur was and he told me that he approved of me as her partner, and would be delighted to see me as his son in law. I returned home that night with fear and dread gripping me, is that what was expected of me? To propose and marry her? I couldnt do it, I could not damn her to grow old as I did not. Though as I sat thinking I realised, what else could she have expected? She didnt know the truth about me. To her I was the dark mysterious man who swept her off her feet, I couldnt blame her.
The next morning a package arrived for me, inside a letter from Fleurs father, offering me a gift. A gift to be given to the one who held my heart, an expensive diamond ring. I didnt know what I could do, could I be selfish and ask her to marry me? in the knowledge that she would be unhappy for the rest of her life? I decided I could not do that, it wasnt fair to her or to her family. So I did what I thought was right and asked to see her alone so we might talk.
I tried to make it clear there was something very serious on my mind, but perhaps she was fooling herself into thinking she knew what it was I wanted. I had left the ring but visited her at her house, seeing her in her room. To see her there before me it broke me, I knew she would hate me after this. I didnt know if I loved her, but I still felt for her, I didnt want her to be in pain. She moved to me and flung her arms around my neck, I was rigid from her reaction, I hadnt expected it. As her lips met mine the overwhelming monster inside me lashed out.
I will never forget the sound that came from my lips, nor her scream as I shoved her away from me. It plays even now in slow motion in my mind, she fell back hitting the ground, her head striking the table with a sickening crack and the worst thing... The smell of her blood. Horror swept over me, her father had heard the scream and I heard him rushing to her room. The smell of the blood drew me to her, so close, all I had to do was bend down and drink... I heart a hiss come from my mouth, and I launched...
I dont know how, but hovering over her, seeing her unconscience and bleeding, I still managed to resist jumping through the window. So here now I pack my things and leave tonight. I have learned a valuable lesson this night, a monster like me doesnt deserve love. I almost killed Fleur today, I cannot let that heppen again. To protect her and myself I have to leave. I have left money to be given to her and her father to pay for the ring... It is my constant reminder that I do not deserve anothers love.
Marius Gabriel Benoit |
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