how can I stop you? 18-02-05

[carlislecullen]

Carlisle handed over the last of his paper work with a smile. He could go home now, not that anyone was in by the sounds of things. Alice, Esme and Rosalie had taken Fae out, yet again. They were making a regular occurrence of that. Emmett had promised to take Jasper hunting the second he got home. As for Edward, Carlisle assumed that he had plans with Damienne as he always did. He left the nurses station in order to go and exchange his white coat for his jacket and case. As he looked at himself in the mirror and readjusted his tie, he scowled as he continued to think about Edward and Damienne. He doubted very much that the younger vampire had told Damienne anything relating to what he was yet, but how much longer could he really expect to get away with not telling her? One of her family members was bound to slip up eventually...was that how Edward wanted her to find out? He doubted that even more than he doubted the fact he had told her anything.

He sighed before turning on his heel and walking back out, passing the nurses station with a bright smile, a pleasant wave and a polite “have a nice weekend”. He was off for the weekend now. This gave him a little time to try and focus on his family for a little while. He was so caught up in work and trying to fathom out what was going on with Alice that he'd not really made much time for them. This weekend wasn't going to be about any of that. It was going to be about spending time with them. He reached his car, opening it, throwing his case onto the passenger seat and dropping himself into the driver's one, slamming the door shut behind him. He started the engine, letting it purr for a moment before heading off in the direction of home. Once he was certain he was out of the line of sight of the hospital, he put his foot done wishing to be home quicker, despite knowing that he was returning to an empty house. At least he would be home in order to greet everyone for a change.

He pulled up the driveway, expecting it to be clear, but it wasn't: the familiar sight of Edward's Volvo filled the space in front of the house. Edward was home? He scowled as he considered it. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe Edward didn't have plans with Damienne. He pulled up towards the garage doors, allowing them to open in order for him to drive his Mercedes the rest of the way into his usual space inside the cavernous garage. He got out, pulling his case with him and locking up. He let himself into the house through the door from the garage. “Edward?” he called, dropping his case and car keys on the closest counter top and shrugging out of his jacket and leaving that there was well. He scowled as he moved through the kitchen and went looking for Edward to find the bronze haired boy sitting in the living room area. He crossed his arms over his chest and leant against the archway, observing Edward. “No plans this evening?” he questioned carefully, a gentle smile on his face.

tag;; edward cullen.!
word count;; 558 words.!
lyric credit;; dido's 'all you want'.!
graphic credit;; me.!
outfit;; here.!
muse;; Jazzy's here to stay <3
notes;; I <3 my muuuse xDD

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[Edward Cullen]

Although Edward would have given anything to spend the evening with Damienne, however she was spending time with her dad and he had to admit he had been stealing her away. Instead they had planned to go out the next day, he was thinking of taking her to Port Angeles to do a bit of shopping, he was sure she would enjoy that. So he had returned home after school, Jasper and Emmett had headed out for a long hunting trip into the mountains as soon as they had gotten home and Rosalie, Alice and Esme had headed out with Fae. They were spoling her rotten, but he couldnt blame them really, she was fairly cute and she had a rough background. He knew Carlisle was still at work so he would have time alone at home for a bit, he planned to get all of the set homework for the next week which would leave the rest of the weekend free to do with as he pleased. He settled down in the living room with his books, though it didnt take long to finish all his work. He pushed the books to one side and sat there staring into space, letting his thoughts of Damienne and all the worries flow over him.

He didnt really hear Carlisle come in and call his name, he was so lost in thought. He had been spending so much time with Damienne and things had been going great, but thats just what he was worried about. Surely it wouldnt be long before something bad happened, when it did what would happen to them? Could he really face a life without Damienne? He had never felt like this about anyone, he had finally found purpose in his life, but what when that purpose was gone... What then? As Carlisle asked his question Edward simply shook his head, his eyes still looked dazed into the distance. With all the things he had been dealing with, would Carlisle understand his position any better than he did? He looked up to Carlisle, the oldest of the cullens, his father... He always had comforting words for his family, though he didnt know what Carlisle could tell him that he didnt already knew.

He looked up to Carlisle 'Carlisle... Where do I go from here?' Edward wasnt one to mince his words, he knew that Carlisle would know to what he was refering to. 'I have never felt anything like this... Even her scent is so... drawing.' He scowled and stood briskly crossing the room to look out of the window. He loved her with all his being but when she was his only light what happened when it went out? What then? He turned to Carlisle and asked him something he never thought he would ever ask ' How did you leave Esme behind that first time you met her? Did you not love her then too?' He knew Carlisle had treated Esme when she was younger, before her tragic death. Somehow though Carlisle had left her there, but then again was there a difference between his love for Damienne and Carlisles for Esme? Carlisle always had a better will power than the rest of them, had his ideals kept him away from the one he loved until he found her in the morgue?

Edward didnt know where his relation with Damienne would end, but he didnt even want to think about a life without her, she made him complete and how could he live with an unforfilled life? He clentched his fist and gritted his teeth, why did it have to be so complicated. He already knew he couldnt curse Damienne to the life he led, he couldnt do that to her. Not to mention that if he did her family would hunt him down and rip him to shreds. 'Why... why does it have to be so complicated...' He hissed through his clentched teeth, Valentines had been so perfect and yet the whole evening was marred by the fact that Edward knew their future was uncertain. Edward had been keeping his temper in check so well since meeting Damienne, but now the whole thing was building up on the young vampires shoulders ready to topple him.

whos in the house?: Carlisle Cullen
what I'm wearing: Here!
count down!: 714
lyrics in my head: O.A.R - Love is Worth the Fall
who did this?: Moi!
notes: Hmmm posty

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[carlislecullen]

Carlisle had somewhat hoped for at least an hour on his own before anyone returned to the house. He couldn't have imagined that someone would be there, considering how he had worked it out in his head. Clearly, he was starting to lose touch with how well he knew his own family. He sighed at the thought. He hadn't really been making much time for any of them lately and it was obvious that that was starting to cause problems within the house, everyone insisting on making themselves as busy as they could. He had tried his best to work as quickly as he could, but he was still coming up with dead ends as to the research behind what had happened to Alice was concerned. He just wished he could work it out, fix it and be done with it. The atmosphere was starting to become unbearable and that was when he didn't spend a lot of time around the family. Things had to right themselves eventually, like they always did, but it seemed that, perhaps, this time, things needed a little push to get started.

Everything else, as of late, he felt like he could explain, just not the Alice thing. Fae coming into their lives was an act of Carlisle's conscience. He couldn't have left the little girl behind in a place like that. Rosalie's insistence on spending a lot of time with Fae was due to her maternal instincts kicking in. She had always wanted a child of her very own, Carlisle knew this all too well. Esme and Alice were both in on that too, though they were more of a support system. The three of them would support Fae and, in turn, have to support Alice through these tense few weeks. Jasper's lack of control over his hungry was attributed to the amount of human blood he had consumed in order to help Alice. He was recovering from that, slowly, but surely. He wasn't really completely adapted to his change of diet before the incident, so it wasn't a surprise that he was struggling now. Emmett had been spending the majority of his time focusing on Jasper and helping him through his hunger, whilst trying to avoid the broody Rosalie.

Then there was Edward. Edward had been spending a hell of a lot of his time with Damienne. It was surely obvious to all of the family by now that he couldn't seem to keep himself away from the human. Damienne's background had been discussed on the very first day, but nothing had been discussed about his time spent with Damienne. There were various warnings given, obviously, about Edward having to be careful with what he said and did and, of course, there was the odd glare thrown their way from Rosalie when she wasn't completely focused on Fae, but there was nothing further than that. Watching Edward as he shook his eyes and stared off into nothingness, the pieces started to fit and he knew what was going to be coming up next. He remained stood where he was, leaning against the archway, a thoughtful scowl on his face as Edward looked up at him. He should have known that Edward would question it eventually. He just didn't understand why he had, out of the blue, chosen today.

He let out a soft sigh as Edward posed his first question. 'Where do I go from here?' That really was the question of the moment, wasn't it? He didn't answer initially, allowing Edward the time to continue to speak. “Where do you want to go?” he asked carefully. He wasn't entirely sure he knew any real direct answers for Edward that could help him, in this case. He was at a loss for words on the subject of Edward's attraction to Damienne. The rest of the family had found people they were attached to as vampires. Not one of them had been in the situation Edward was in. Esme had been human the first time he had met her, but he hadn't thought much about it the first time. The second time he met her, he couldn't help himself and he couldn't let her die that way. He shook the thoughts off. This wasn't about him and Esme. That was a different situation. This was about Edward and Damienne. His golden eyes followed Edward as he stood and moved to the window. This really wasn't getting to him, wasn't it?

He tensed slightly as Edward then went on to question his motivations around leaving Esme when he had first met her. Had he not loved her then? His scowl deepened as he cast his eyes down for a moment. He hadn't known what he had really felt about her the first time. There had always been a few things playing on his mind during his time with her then. “She wasn't dying, I could save her by human means...” he began, justifying why he hadn't turned her the first time. That hadn't been the question, but it seemed like a good start to his answer. “She was just a child to me,” he went on in a soft tone, scowl still on his face as he glanced back over at Edward now. “That's what made it a little easier to walk away,” he continued with his answer, withdrawing a quick breath before letting out a gentle sigh. “But I found her again...so it was obvious I couldn't leave her a second time...I needed to save her,” he finished. He didn't know if that was the sort of answer Edward was looking for, but it was the truth in his mind.

His jaw tensed slightly. That wasn't really the end of the story. He stepped away from the archway, tucking his hands into his pockets now as he started a very slow pace across the room. “I sometimes think about how things would have turned out had I been...selfish the first time,” he admitted, focusing on the floor more than anything else as he tried to justify himself to Edward. He should have known this would come up eventually. “Things would have been a lot different, I imagine,” he went on. He turned to Edward again before continuing. “I can't even be sure you'd still exist...or if Esme and I would still be together...or if any of the others would be in our lives...” he continued in a serious, yet slightly uncertain tone. He didn't like to think of the 'what if' a lot when concerning his family. “Everything happens for a reason,” he finished simply. He wasn't sure if any of this was really helping Edward in any way or if it was just giving him more things to worry about on top of everything else that he burdened himself with.

He watched as Edward's hands balled into fists and heard him gritting his teeth. He couldn't really begin to understand how utterly frustrating this must be for the young vampire. He considered Edward's question for a moment, noticing how angry he was starting to become. “It's the way things go with our kind, Edward. 'Complications' aren't exactly few and far between with our family, are they?” he offered in slow and calm response. He didn't want to provoke Edward in any way. It seemed he had been trying his best not to get angry for so long that he was about to explode. He needed to ask a few questions of his own though, ones that he didn't think that Edward would like much. “Have you told her yet?” he questioned. He was referring to a few things in that simple question. Had he told her how he felt about her? Had he told her about what he was? Had he told her about the complications with the family at the moment? Had he told her about the potential complications between the Cullens and her family?

tag;; edward cullen.!
word count;; 1334 words.!
lyric credit;; dido's 'all you want'.!
graphic credit;; me.!
outfit;; here.!
muse;; Jazzy's back <3
notes;; eeeee.! posting, posting *dances*

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[Edward Cullen]

A soft growl left Edwards lips as Carlisle asked him where he wanted to go from there. In a perfect world he wouldnt have to worry about Damiennes mortality, or his immortality. However this wasnt the ideal world, this was the world that seemed bent on destroying him all together. He had been thinking about the possibilities and everyone was filled with heartache that he didnt want to have to deal with. 'I... Dont know.' He stuttered slightly as he started out into the woodland that surrounded their home. If he told her the truth she would probably end up running from him, he would lose her... Even if he didnt she would age and die and he would not. He knew most would think that the easy option would be to turn her, but he wouldnt steal her soul from her, her life... Her chance of a normal family. After all thats what she seemed to want, a normal life, a normal family and Edward couldnt give her any of that. What had he hoped could be achieved in letting himself get so close to her? At the same time though he knew he didnt have the willpower to stay away from her, even when they were apart every thought was of her, worrying about her safety.

Edward closed his eyes, he should have expected that responce from Carlisle, he had only changed him because he was dying and it was his mothers wish. He scowled slightly as he continued... Of course Carlisle was used to acting far older than his physical age, Carlisle's body was only five years older than his own, yet he had to appear older than that to be able to work the way he did. Edward had remained the teenager his whole life and it was what he had become adjusted to. In truth Damienne was far younger than him, but he never really saw her that way. He knew of Esmes sad story, of how after meeting Carlisle she had grown up, married, had an affair and run away. How her bastard child had died at birth and had sent her over the edge to be saved by the man she had first fallen for all those years ago. 'Everything happens for a reason.' Those words echoed through his head for a moment before he opened his eyes again, continuing to look out of the window. Did fate seem intent on torturing him? He didnt see a way forward and it was starting to scare him.

Edward snarled slightly as Carlisle continued and said he wasnt sure that he would even exist if he had turned Esme that first time. 'It would have been better that way.' He commented in a bitter tone. He would have died, he would have joined his mother in heaven, his soul wouldnt have been stolen and he wouldnt be there fighting over his apparent morality over Damienne. Edward had become his first companion, but what if Esme had been? Then he wouldnt have needed his company, everything would have been different. 'The world would be a better place without me here.' He hissed through his clentched teeth. Now however he was stuck with no way out of this situation, he didnt want to hurt Damienne, but every single option he could think of would leave her hurting in more ways than one. Edward could sense that Carlisle was trying to tip toe around him, trying to assure him, though there was going to be little chance of the older, wiser vampire managing that.

Their kind... Complications, that was an understatement. Edwards mood had been dire before meeting Damienne, for a brief moment he thought that perhaps he had found happiness, but that was before he realised there was no such thing for him. He didnt respond to Carlisles question at first, the answer was complicated and he could see the underlying questions forming in his fathers mind. 'Yes, No, No, No and No.' He was fairly sure he had made his feelings clear to Damienne in the meadow, even though she seemed to be wary about it, she still didnt seem to see what he saw in her. He had promised he wouldnt tell her what he was and the rest of it kind of stemmed from that. 'How can I tell her that I am not what she thinks I am? That I am a monster.' His eyes closed again and his hand reached out to rest against the wall, resting his head against it. He felt like he was crumbling apart and he didnt know how to cope with it.

All of this mixed with how worried he was about Alice only made things worse. 'Everyone... Has someone but me...' He almost stumbled over his words. Everyone had a shoulder to cry on, but even though he loved Damienne she couldnt be there for him like Esme was there for Carlisle. They could lean on each other through their problems, but Edward had to deal with them all himself, it wasnt fair. He stood motionless against the wall, he didnt know where he could go from here. He had asked Carlisle in the past about the ways a vampire could die, and he had to admit getting himself ripped up by the Volturi really seemed like a good option at that time. The only comfort he had found in his life was also the thing that was making him hurt the most. 'Happiness wasnt meant for a monster like me.' He whispered as he thought of Damienne again, he really didnt know how to go on from here. He really felt like he was falling apart.

whos in the house?: Carlisle Cullen
what I'm wearing: Here!
count down!: 959
lyrics in my head: O.A.R - Love is Worth the Fall
who did this?: Moi!
notes: Poor Eddy

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[carlislecullen]

Carlisle sighed as he heard the growl that resounded from Edward's mouth. He should have known that Edward wouldn't have liked his response. He should have said something else, but he was just trying to help him put things into perspective. Edward had always had trouble seeing things in the right sort of way. He would always manage to see the negative in a situation over anything that would be positive or benefit him in any real way. He lowered his eyes for a moment before returning his gaze to his stuttering son. He'd never experienced Edward being this unsure about something. Yes, he'd had his uncertain moments throughout history, but Carlisle felt like he could safely say he'd never see the younger vampire like this. “Maybe I'm the wrong person to be having this conversation with,” he suggested softly. It sounded like it was something Edward should be discussing with Damienne perhaps. After all, this had practically almost everything to do with her.

He could understand Edward's uncertainty about the situation in some ways. He was still conflicted about the fact he would have to tell Damienne exactly what was going on eventually and Carlisle knew he was afraid of scaring her away with that. He could also see that Edward was conflicted over the idea of if she didn't get scared off of him, then he would find himself unable to leave her side and would have to watch as she gradually got older. It was Carlisle's teaching that made it clear that he didn't want any of them to go changing perfectly healthy human beings, but something made Carlisle want to change his mind about that in this situation. He knew Edward would never accept that though. He always seemed uneasy with the idea of anyone cursing anyone else with their way of life. It probably didn't help that Edward still didn't believe that their souls were still in tact. If he could accept that, then maybe the idea of any sort of change wouldn't bother him so damn much. Carlisle doubted that as well, somehow.

He watched the bronze haired vampire closely as he spoke to him, watching his expressions carefully. He didn't seem to like what he was hearing, but at least he was listening. He knew that Edward wouldn't feel the way about Damienne as he had felt about Esme in the first instance of meeting her. Edward had been a teenager when he had turned and that was what he would always be. Edward seemed like he wasn't going to argue with him about anything he was trying to explain...or so he thought. That was when Edward finally spoke up: when Carlisle had said he wasn't sure that the young man would have still existed had Carlisle found and changed Esme first. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose when Edward said it would have been better that way. “I'm sure I know a whole bunch of people that would think differently,” he replied in a low mumble behind his hand. There was the family as one bunch of people that would miss him if he wasn't there, himself included, of course, and then there was Damienne.

His jaw tensed as Edward said the world would be a better place without him in it. “How do you know that, Edward?” he questioned, dropping his hand from his face to show the heavy scowl set on his face. “You have no idea what the world would be like without you around,” he continued, sounding a little irritated, which wasn't like him at all. “There's a lot of things that you contributed to over time. Who says that things wouldn't be terribly different without you?” he questioned. He for one knew that Edward had done a lot of good for them as a family. There was no telling if they would be together without Edward. There was no telling if they would be alive without Edward. “I can certainly think of a few recent examples of how things would be different had you not been around,” he commented in a low tone. The first thought that came to his head was Damienne, her father and the situation with her other less accepting siblings. There would have been no one around to save Jason had Edward not been there.

Edward could try and argue that the fight wouldn't have started if he wasn't there, but there was no telling if the Cullens would have been in Forks or not if Edward wasn't around. That was besides the point. There was always the La Push/Forks divide, so, of course, the shape shifter Rentons weren't going to be best pleased about their father moving himself and their little sister to Forks. It sounded like they had always had problems with the shape shifter/human divide in their family, so it wasn't like the Cullens being around really started the fight. If they hadn't have been around to save Jason, then Damienne would be parentless. She would have been moving back to the place that she was most miserable, if not further away than she would have from where she had been raised and where her mother was buried. He knew Edward would have heard all that, but that was the point he was trying to make. Now it seemed like Carlisle's turn to find the bad in a situation and it was in a world without Edward.

“Do you see it now?” he questioned softly. He knew these thoughts wouldn't please Edward in the slightest, but he was trying to make a point and if Edward couldn't see that he did some good in the world, then Carlisle would have to find a way to make him see it. He would do everything in his power to do it. He folded his arms over his chest again as he faced Edward when the younger vampire answered his mentally posed questions before posing one of his own. He let out a short, sharp, irritable sounding breath. “If she knows how you feel about her, then why are you delaying it any further?” he questioned. He knew that there had been a promise about not telling Damienne, but surely Jason would understand. “I'm sure I'm right in thinking that she feels the same way about you, am I not?” he continued with his questions. He wasn't trying to sound cruel or start and argument. He was trying to give Edward some perspective on the situation. That was what he was looking for from Carlisle, wasn't it?

He sighed softly again as Edward closed his eyes and leant against the wall. He didn't have to be a psychic like Edward to realise that his son was slowly breaking down before his eyes. He slowly approached him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I'm sure at least there's one young lady who'd be disappointed to hear you say that,” he said softly. He was certain that Damienne would have said on more than one occasion that she was there for Edward. She just seemed like that sort of girl, sweet and kind, and it was more than a little obvious how she felt about Edward. He closed his eyes for a moment as Edward whispered about happiness not being for a monster like him. “What about a 'monster' like me, huh?” he asked, using Edward's words. He never used that in the context of his family. “I'm not a monster, so you certainly can't be one. Have a little faith, Edward. I know it's difficult and I know you've never accepted it, but you're allowed that happiness as well,” he responded, squeezing his shoulder encouragingly.

tag;; edward cullen.!
word count;; 1300 words.!
lyric credit;; dido's 'all you want'.!
graphic credit;; me.!
outfit;; here.!
muse;; Jazzy liked this thread more than that other one -.-
notes;; damn lectures >_<

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[Edward Cullen]

Carlisles words didnt help him at all and he felt his fist clentch. It was obvious the young vampire was getting irritated at the situation. He couldnt have this discussion with Damienne, what exactly was he meant to say? 'Oh by the way Damienne, my lifes falling apart, I'm a blood sucking monster and I love you?' It would certainly prove to Damienne that he was far from the perfect boy she thought he was. It would also scare her half to death and then he would lose her... Every option he had thought of ended up with him losing her and he was losing hope for them. Carlisle's thoughts on his own policies of changing humans made Edwards stomach and throat tighten, supressing the urge to lash out. He would never curse Damienne to a life like this, he would never steal someones soul from him and he relaxed slightly when he realised that Carlisle already knew that it simply wasnt an option for him. All Damienne wanted was a normal life, by cursing her she would not have that. Edward wouldnt take from her the one thing she seemed to want. Then having said that with him in her life she wouldnt have a normal life. Perhaps the best thing for him to do was just walk away, to keep his distance.

He scowled as he said he could think of a lot of people who would disagree 'If I was never turned they would never have known me in the first place.' He replied bitterly, but the words hurt him to the bone. His family had always been there for him, through his bad, and worst times. He loved them as they loved him, but still he couldnt help but think they would be better off without him. He had always been the child that tested the bounderies, he was the one that had left his parents heart broken to pave his own future, only to fail miserably and come crawling back. He had brought nothing but trouble to them, but he loved them. Then he thought about Damienne, if she had never met him she would have found someone else. They would have been safe in Forks if they werent there. Damienne had brought a glimmer of hope to his life and yet at the same time damned him to uncertainty and pain. He didnt want to cause Carlisle pain, but Edward felt so absorbed in his own emotions that he really didnt know where to go from here.

He heard the tension in Carlisles words, he clentched his fist tighter at what he said. 'How could the world be any better just because I exist? So many have suffered because of me.' He didnt just mean all of those he had killed in his rogue years, but also his family. He had always been bringing them problems and he always felt as if he was meant to set an example to the others, some fine example he was though. As he mentioned about recent examples he almost felt as if he had been deflated. Alice... The memories of seeing her there on the florest floor covered in blood made his frame shake. Vampires werent meant to get ill, why couldnt it have been him? Why did it have to be Alice? He felt a pang of jealousy as he thought about how she was coping because of her mate... She didnt really need him, Jasper would have been there for her if he hadnt been. Edward was just the one left over... The odd one out that didnt really belong, didnt have a real place.

Then he thought about Damienne and Jason, if he hadnt have taken Damienne out then things would have been different, Tobias might not have attacked Jason. More importantly if they werent there then Tobias wouldnt care about them living in Forks. Thinking of Damiennes past was painful for even him, he hadnt talked to her about her mother, she wasnt ready to tell him about it and he wasnt going to pry. He kept putting his foot in it around her by saying things that reminded her of her mother, it obviously still upset her, though that could have been because of the rest of her family too. Edward didnt respond when Carlisle asked him if he saw it now. There was still too much clouding his judgement and he felt sick to the core. He felt like he just wanted the world to swallow him up, he felt so lost and he didnt know where to go from here. 'I made a promise Carlisle... How can I destroy her by telling her the truth?' In truth he didnt want to tell her, because if he did he would lose her all the sooner, he was doing it for his own selfish reasons.

Edward frowned as Carlisle said that surely she felt the same way as he did... But how was Edward sure of that? After all yes Damienne did feel attached to his presence, but so would any girl he spent time with. It was the lie that was his shield, it drew her in to him, prey to the hunter so to speak. Carlisles words on how there was one lady who would be dissapointed to hear his words made Edward released a pained sound. He didnt mean it like that... 'Damienne... Isnt ready for the burden my life brings.' He whispered, barely audible to the human ear. His fathers hand was reassuring to him, however it did little to calm him from his broken state. 'You and I... Are different Carlisle.' Carlisle had been paying back for his sins and he had never taken a human life, unlike him. Edward knew that his own views on their lives was very different to the view of his father, he would never be able to see his life as anything but cursed.

He felt Carlisle gently squeeze his shoulder and he felt himself fall to his knees. He didnt deserve happiness, that much was obvious to him. He had been a vampire for over a hundred years and still happiness evaded him whilst it found the others around him. Life tortured him at every turn and now wasnt any different, he could feel his body shaking with the emotion that ran through his body. 'Everywhere I look there is pain... I cant see a way out, I dont know where to go from here.' He continued to whisper. He had never been like this infront of Carlisle before, but he had never felt like this before. He sought his fathers comfort but didnt know how, or was too proud to ask for it. Alice and Jasper leaned on each other, Carlisle and Esme too, as well as Emmett and Rosalie... He couldnt use Damienne in the same way, she was human and wouldnt understand... That and Edward just didnt want her to know the truth.

whos in the house?: Carlisle Cullen
what I'm wearing: Here!
count down!: 1173
lyrics in my head: O.A.R - Love is Worth the Fall
who did this?: Moi!
notes: Meh

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[carlislecullen]

Carlisle could see that Edward was getting more and more irritable with every word he said. He couldn't see how he could prevent that though without lying to him and he was relatively sure that lying to Edward right now would irritate him a lot more than telling the truth was doing. He was just trying to say what he thought, without Edward having to try and find the answers from his head. It was obvious he wanted to talk this over and there was never any point in these sort of situations in trying to hide what he thought from Edward. It was also apparent that Edward was at odds with himself as to what to do about the situation, which was the obvious reason that he had come to Carlisle for advice. Had he imagined that he would say something different? He should have known by now that Carlisle wasn't going to back down about supporting him. He was his son after all and he would always stand by him whatever decision he made. He would be slightly disappointed if anything he said had any dire effect on the things that Edward did.

Granted, he knew that Edward listened to him a lot, but he wouldn't want Edward not doing something that he wanted to do, just because of something he had said. He wasn't going to stand between Edward and his happiness. He couldn't do that to him. He had been looking for it for so long. Carlisle wasn't going to be the one stopping him holding onto that happiness. He scowled as Edward spoke finally. “Yes, but I imagine the world would be quite different. We probably wouldn't be as strong as we are now,” he replied, trying to stay calm, despite how much Edward's stubbornness was irritating him. That was always the problem when Edward came to talk to him about things. If he said anything that didn't seem right to Edward, his stubbornness would come out in full force. When he said 'we', he obviously meant the family as a whole. He couldn't imagine how things would be without the young vampire. Despite being true to form of the typical teenage boy in his early years, Carlisle wouldn't change Edward, not even a little bit.

Well, in saying that, he would probably make him realise that there was nothing wrong with what they were. It wasn't like they were the Volturi, still killing humans for food. They had adapted. They were, in theory, hiding better than the Volturi were. The Volturi were just very sly about the way they did things. The Cullens didn't have to be sly. They could easily get away with hunting up in the mountains. He let out a sigh when Edward questioned how the world could be any better because of his existence, pointing out that many had suffered because of him. “Cruel as it sounds, Edward, but in suffering, we realise how great the world can be,” he began gently. “Without suffering, nothing would be 'good'. Everything would just be the same,” he continued. “The world is what you make it, but it's because you dwell on the suffering that you can't see the good,” he finished. He figured that Edward probably wouldn't like that answer either, but it was his opinion and in asking for his help, that was what Edward was going to get: his opinion and his advice.

He only considered Edward's new question for a second before he responded. “You may have made a promise, Edward, but how can you destroy her by telling her a lie?” he questioned. It wasn't fair to twist his words like that, Carlisle knew this, but he also knew that, sometimes, that was the only way to get him to listen. “You didn't promise her that you wouldn't tell her the truth. Surely if she means that much to you, you'd be willing to overlook the promise you made,” he pointed out. Again, that wasn't exactly a fair point to make, but it was the way he was looking at it. He knew how Edward was with his promises. It linked in with his stubbornness. “You have no idea how she'd react to the truth,” he began, in a slightly argumentative tone. “If she's that important to you, surely you should try and get the truth out sooner rather than later, so then you don't become any more attached.” he offered. Now THAT had been downright cruel. He knew that, but he was just trying to make Edward listen.

He scowled at Edward as he whispered about Damienne not being ready for the burden that was his life. “Damienne's a big girl. I think she has the right to decide that for herself, even if you don't,” he said, keeping his tone level. He really was being rather patronising right now. He imagined this would only be irritating Edward more, but he couldn't stop himself. He'd never seen Edward like this and he imagined he was going to be more stubborn than ever about all of this. He shook his head slightly as he considered Edward's words for a moment. “What's so different about us, Edward?” he questioned. “Really? What's the difference?” he continued to question. He didn't see any difference in the pair of them really. They were carrying out their lives as any human would have done, though they just had a few other things to deal with. He let go of Edward's shoulder as he felt his legs buckle and watched as he fell to his knees. This really was getting to him in a massive way, wasn't it?

He slowly brought himself to crouch beside Edward as he listened to the young vampire's angsty whispering. “That's because you're too focused on it,” he began gently, looking down at the floor for a moment. “You're never going to see a way out if you keep seeing the same things everywhere,” he continued, glancing back at Edward now, folding his hands together, his elbows resting across his legs as he crouched beside the bronze haired boy. “You see the pain and the suffering and the malice. You can't move on from that if you don't start seeing the friendship and the happiness...and the love,” he continued, his tone lowering as he finished the sentence. “You can go wherever you want to go, Edward,” he whispered, focusing on his son, despite Edward not looking at him. He was too wrapped up in his own ways to see what else was going on around him, to see that he could have something great if he made something of it. He just had to learn to see the positive side of things, though Carlisle imagined that would be hard for a pessimist such as Edward.

tag;; edward cullen.!
word count;; 1151 words.!
lyric credit;; dido's 'all you want'.!
graphic credit;; me.!
outfit;; here.!
muse;; boom.! in yo' face.!
notes;; did I mention I have an essay to write that's shorter than my record word count.? ;]

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[Edward Cullen]

Carlisle had always sought to bring comfort to Edward in his darkest hours and he had heard it all before. However his stubborness in believing that he was truely damned always got in the way. He was so convinced that he didnt deserve happiness that even though there was a glimmer of light for him, he felt it would only end in darkness again. He let Carlisles words wash over him, he didnt believe it, he didnt want to believe it. He didnt want to believe that anything good had come from his cursed existence, if he started believing that he would have to start believing that there was happiness in the world meant for him. Carlisles words on how without suffering there was no good in the world were not suprising. Carlisle had never let go of his human beliefs, being the son of a Pastor meant Carlisle was set in his beliefs of god, yet he had his own views that he was paying for his sins... Edward didnt think anything he could do would ever pay for the sins in his life, there were just too many to be paid. 'There is so much suffering Carlisle... How can I not?' He asked as he let out a frustrated breath. Suffering seemed to follow him everywhere, how could he see any differently?

As the question was flipped and turned back on him he felt a saddened sobbing sound escape his throat. His face twisted into one of tormented pain 'Either way I lose her eventually, perhaps I should give up trying.' Edward had never known such happiness when with Damienne, though at the same time he had never known such torment. As Carlisle told him to tell her the truth sooner before he got attached he felt his stomach tighten. He almost felt as if the world was spinning around him, what did he need to do? Would he tell her? Could he tell her? He couldnt hurt her like that, she deserved better than him, she deserved someone normal, a human. Perhaps he should just leave... Leave his family and Damienne behind and start a life again, alone, excile himself. He growled as Carlisle said she was big enough to decide for herself. 'NO!' He forced out the word through his gritted teeth 'She doesnt deserve that burden!' Damienne had enough to worry about, not least adding the fact that she had fallen in love with a vampire...

Love, oh god she had said it too, he felt his chest tighten, she was in love with a monster and she didnt even know it. As Carlisle asked him what the difference was all Edward could think about was his betrayal to Carlisle 'You have never killed, you have always paid back for your sins, you have never known the thrill off watching a human die as you drained them.' His memories of that time terrified him, he looked to Carlisle, his eyes wide with terror 'I have never wanted a humans blood more than I want hers... Its like a drug, it calls to me and taunts me...' He looked away again ashamed of what he had just admitted. Damienne was in danger around him, he really was a threat to her. He felt the floor beneath him and he wanted it to swallow him up, he didnt want to have to feel like this anymore. How could Carlisle not see that he was a danger to her? All it would take was a simple slip and Damienne would be dead and Edward would prove how much of a monster he really was.

He wanted Carlisle to understand, he wanted him to see that he didnt want to be the monster Damienne would be scared of, but he had been so close to killing her already. How could he trust himself around her, though it seemed to get easier each time, it wouldnt take long until he slipped. What then? It would start a war, the Rentons would hunt them down, the La Push elders would hunt them down. They would not longer be safe and it would all be because of him. 'Carlisle... Please... Help me... I dont want to be that monster again.' His body trembled at the memories of his time away from his family. Carlisle had been there for him when he returned, he never turned him away. 'I feel too lost to know where to go.' His head turned and met his fathers eyes, they were filled with the deepest pain that Edward had ever known. 'I dont know if I have the power to stay away from her, but if I dont, I dont know if I can resist her blood...' He didnt even know if Carlisle understood what he was talking about, he had never asked him if he had ever encountered a human that smelt so mouthwatering to him before.

whos in the house?: Carlisle Cullen
what I'm wearing: Here!
count down!: 830
lyrics in my head: O.A.R - Love is Worth the Fall
who did this?: Moi!
notes: *whistles*

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[carlislecullen]

tags:: edward cullen. word count:: 754. outfit:: here.
lyrics:: 'all you want' by dido.

Carlisle didn't want to sound angry, but he was getting a little frustrated with every negative point Edward brought out in the open. “Because it's not your fault, Edward,” he explained quickly. “There is no point dwelling on it when it's not your fault,” he went on. He was going to be heard, whether Edward liked what he was saying or not. “The things you've done are inconsequential compared to the rest of the things done in the world,” he observed confidently. There were a lot more people in the world who had done a lot worse things, even humans that were capable of worse things that Edward had ever done. “You're just one person, you cannot expect fix everything,” he stated, adding, “you cannot allow everything to be your fault.” He paused for a moment, letting out a soothing breath. “Because it's not,” he went on. “And you know it's not...” he finished uncertainly, before suddenly considering something for a moment: 'You're afraid...? Afraid of what you're feeling...?'

He shook his head at Edward's words. “Who is to say you would lose her?” he countered. “How do you know that for certain?” He wasn't going to have Edward be this way. “Alice seems convinced otherwise,” he observed, sounding a little overzealous. “Don't you think you should show a little faith?” he questioned rhetorically. “There's no point giving up before you have even tried, Edward,” he hinted. “We all see it as a burden. It's not like we don't understand that...” he began, sighing before continuing with, “but you know that you're just denying yourself the one thing that would keep you happy by keeping quiet about all this.” He closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment of composure before he continued to address Edward. There was no point getting frustrated at him when he was seeking his help and advice. “That's not who you are now though, is it?” he initially posed. “Why is it so impossible that you are allowed trust yourself differently now you're a changed person, yet the same creature?” he questioned.

He paused, considering Edward's words about how he found the scent of Damienne's blood like a drug. He had heard of this sort of thing. He knew it all too well himself as well. He knew how difficult it could be to cope with... “That may be the case...” he began in a level tone. He couldn't tell Edward one thing when he knew he did a different thing in the past, could he? He, himself, had been lucky with what he had felt. What if Edward did the same thing and didn't come out as well as he did? “You need to fight that thirst because there's something so great, so beautiful that could come out of this,” he proposed, trying to keep his tone level because he meant every word. He could understand what Edward was going through and he didn't want him to have to risk anything if he could help it. He was only trying to help his son by working on his own experiences. “You're just not allowing yourself this potentially perfect thing because you think you need to keep punishing yourself for who you were,” he pointed out.

“The danger was obvious from the start,” he stated, shrugging slightly flippantly. “And the fact you find her...addictive, perhaps, is obviously another problem altogether, but that surely can't change how you feel about her, am I wrong?” he questioned softly. He slowly shook his head at Edward's words, not denying his request for help, more denying the words he was saying. “You're not that monster and you won't ever be that monster if you just believe in yourself, Edward...you know that,” he replied gently. “You just need to believe in yourself. If you start believing, you know you could make something of this,” he offered. 'If you really wanted to...' he considered, emphasising the obvious 'want'. “You need to focus on what is important and, right now, that is Damienne,” he suggested. “Focus on her and what you feel for her and you'll find yourself,” he tried, knowing how on edge Edward was. “Then don't,” he said simply in reply. “The resistance cannot be worked on if you don't subject yourself to her from time to time,” he observed with a slight smile on his face finally.

[Edward Cullen]

Every responce that Edward got from Carlisle wasn't unexpected, yet at the same time it wasn't what he wanted to hear. Every word was the truth, but it was a truth that Edward didn't want to face, a truth he couldn't accept. He growled slightly as Carlisle said it was because it wasn't his fault and that he shouldnt dwell on it. Edward never saw eye to eye with Carlisle and it had been the cause of many a disagreement over the years. He gritted his teeth as he said that he couldn't allow everything to be his fault because it wasn't. There was truth to his words, yet Edward was perhaps too proud to admit it. Edward was comfortable blaming himself for everything, it was the way he had always lived his life. He sighed slightly and closed his eyes tightly as he heard Carlisle's thought. What was he afraid of? His strange feelings for this girl he had found? He was afraid of almost everything to do with Damienne, he was afraid of how attached he had become to her so quickly. He was feeling things he had never felt before and he was suddenly unsure of himself, of his role in this life. 'Would you believe me if I said no and yes?' He looked straight at Carlisle, the confusion seeping into his eyes. He had never felt so torn and confused, even when he had left Carlisle to form his own path.

He looked away again as he was asked how he knew he would lose Damienne, how he was so certain. The expression that spread across his face was one of pain and anger. 'When you were human... How would you have reacted if you found out someone close to you was a vampire?' He already knew what Carlisle would say, he knew he would say they were different times and that Damienne wasnt really your typical human anyway. He knew that back when Carlisle was human he would have reacted very badly to the notion of someone he knew being a vampire... The pastors son who would do anything to impress his father and show him how close to god he was... It was this very attitude that had gotten him bitten in the first place. However no matter his excuses he could not deny that any human finding out monsters existed would not exactly be very understanding. 'What if they found out at the hospital? Do you think you would be welcomed with open arms? You would be seen as a threat, a danger... Because deep down they are right. We ARE a danger.' He scowled as Carlisle said Alice seemed to see otherwise and to have faith. 'So am I also meant to believe that Alice is going to die?' Carlisle should know better than to trust her visions right now, they were wrong, they had to be. Believing her visions were wrong kept him going, he couldnt cope with the thought of his sister dying.

Edward felt himself cringe as Carlisle told him there was no point in giving up before he had tried. 'I AM trying Carlisle...' It wasn't like he wasn't trying to make it work, but the further things went the more he doubted himself. 'And I'm not giving up... Its just the more I try the more I see how foolish I am being.' He certainly felt that thinking there was a future for them was very foolish, even if her family accepted him for what he was. He doubted Damienne could ever accept him, she wanted to be normal and he was far from that. 'She hates what her family is, she wants to be normal and I can't give her that.' He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. 'Yes Damienne makes me happy... But for how long Carlisle? How long until its all taken away from me?' Everything was always denied him... Death, forgiveness, his soul. He thought on Carlisles words about trusting himself now he was a changed person. [colo=yellow]'No matter what 'person' I am... I am always the same monster deep down. There is no changing that, no matter what I will always want to kill her deep down.'

[/color] He gritted his teeth, he hated that thought, but it was true. In a moment of weakness he knew he would happily kill her and drain her of her sweet blood. The only thing keeping her alive was his restraint and he didnt know how much longer that would last. Every moment they were together he was risking her life, could he really allow that to go on?

'Something Beautiful? What have we got to look forward to Carlisle? No matter what I will end up losing her, either she will grow old and die, I wont be able to resist her blood, or...' He cringed at the other option... She had Shapeshifter blood and if her sisters had turn then it was possible she could too. They would go from being they way they were to enemies over night and the thought alone was enough to create a soft rumble in his throat. 'There is so much that could go wrong Carlisle, there is so much to lose and yet if I gain anything from it, it will only be for a short time.' Nothing ever stayed in their lives for long, except each other and even if Damienne did accept him for what he was, he wasnt going to force their life upon her. He knew that Carlisle had a different view to him regarding their souls. Carlisle believed they still had their souls and there was still a place for them in heaven. However Edward had very different views, he had no soul, it had been taken from him the moment Carlisle had changed him. There was no place for a monster in heaven, it wasnt as if he was going to ever die and find out. It was almost impossible to kill a vampire, especially a group of them like the Cullens. No, Edward was set in his beliefs, he was a souless monster and how could he even think about being selfish and dragging Damienne into this life? She may not be totally human, but as far as he was aware werewolves still had their souls.

Edward slowly shook his head as Carlisle said he needed to believe in himself. He had never believed in himself in his whole vampiric life... Once perhaps he had believed that he could live life the way he wanted, killing the evil in the world, punishing those criminals that hurt others. But it had been misguided and he had only become more of a monster through trying to do something he had believed in. He wanted to believe there was a future for him and Damienne but he couldn't bring himself to actually do it. There was too much standing in the way. He sighed softly as Carlisle told him he needed to concentrate on what was important... Damienne, and he was right. She was the one who was so important, perhaps if he was stronger, if this had all come at a different time he might feel different about the situation. However as it was Edward just felt lost and strangely alone, despite having his family around him. Carlisle was always so strong, he had worked up a strong resistance to blood over his 300 years of life. It was something Edward admired him for, but he was no where near as strong as him, none of the Cullens were. If anyone was to know about building up resistances then he was the one to go to. Though Edward doubted he tempted his beast in the way Edward did, it was proving to be a challenge Edward could see himself losing.

'Why did this all have to be now?' He whispered to himself. 'How can I be strong for Alice if I cant even be strong for myself?' Everything seemed to be happening at the same time, his feelings for Damienne, Alice not being well. He had never had to cope with so many worries at one time and he could feel himself breaking. At least the other Cullen's only had one thing to worry about. Damienne had seemed to be the answer to his worries at first and yet now he realised she had only added more. He looked up to Carlisle and noticed the soft smile on his face... Carlisle really believed in him, he always had right from the start. Edward couldnt help but admire his fathers strength, no matter what was thrown at him Carlisle was sturdy and solid like stone. 'Am I being foolish Carlisle?' He asked, his voice filled with guilt. He was burdening all his worries on him, it wasnt as if Carlisle didnt have enough to worry about as it was. He was the one keeping the family together. 'I am sorry... I should be less selfish.' He admitted, he was being so self centered when he knew his family needed him to be strong. Once again he was reminded how much stronger Carlisle was than him.

whos in the house?: Carlisle Cullen
what I'm wearing: Here!
count down!: 1554
lyrics in my head: O.A.R - Love is Worth the Fall
who did this?: Moi!
notes: Yay finally some muse has been transfered into a post!

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[carlislecullen]

Carlisle was trying his best to get Edward to understand the situation as he saw it. He was only trying to reassure the young vampire, which was what Carlisle thought Edward had come to him from. He had come looking for some sort of clarification about what he was doing. Despite his best efforts, Carlisle felt that a lot of what he was saying was going in one ear and out the other with Edward right now. He crossed his arms over his chest as he observed Edward, waiting for a response, knowing he had heard what he thought. He didn't seem to like the idea of being afraid of anything, but it would take a blind man not to realise that Edward was afraid of something. He considered Edward's question for a moment, nodding slowly as his very confused looking gaze caught his. “Yes,” he began simply. “I'd believe anything you had to say on the matter, Edward, I'm not going to choose now to disbelieve you about anything,” he continued in explanation.

He let out a soft sigh as he considered the question again. Edward was both afraid and not afraid of what he was feeling. Carlisle understood that on so many levels, but he wasn't sure it was easy to explain. “You're afraid of the unfamiliarity, but unafraid by how affects you?” he questioned softly. If you cut the situation down to it's very simplest form, that was how Carlisle saw it. There was no other justifying question. Hearing Edward's question made his mind regress back...when he was human. Well, that was a thought, wasn't it? That had been some three hundred and fifty years ago at least and it wasn't something he often thought a lot about. He scowled as he thought about being human, about how he would have reacted if he had found out someone close to him was a vampire. They were different times back then and it probably didn't help his own father and other pastors often led hunts, looking for all sorts of 'evil': vampires and werewolves included.

He felt his jaw tense as he considered it. He knew his father had been so proud of him taking up his place once he got too old to fight the good fight, as it were, but Carlisle was definitely not as proud of his own actions during those times. His father made many mistakes in the hunts, many innocent people losing their lives because of his father's misjudgement. He had been clever enough to seek out the real vampires, the real werewolves. His accuracy had lead to chaos and that chaos had led to his attack. He was even disgusted by himself when he was turned, let alone knowing how his father would react, how other people would react. He didn't have to consider how it would be if the people close to him were vampires because he was the one who was foolish enough to get attacked. He was a vampire first. He shook his head slowly as he considered a verbal reply for Edward finally. “That's hardly a fair question, Edward, and you know it,” he said simply.

“I could stand here and preach to you about how it was a different time and opinions on vampires were very different, but I know you already know that,” he began to explain. “There was a fearful knowledge of 'evil' things,” he continued, sounding a little irritable. “Even then it was almost...ignored completely until someone came along and realised that some of it was truth,” he went on. He had been 'someone', he had sought out the 'evil' and tried his best to get right of it. “That fearful knowledge has dissolved a hell of a lot since then: vampires became legends. No one thinks of them as anything more than that anymore,” he finished, still sounding oddly irritable about it. That was the Volturi's doing, Aro's perfect solution. They had essentially gone into hiding while the rest of humanity was allowed to forget about them. It was unfair to lie to the humans, but Carlisle had seen the reactions of humans to vampires first hand. It was create a global panic, something the world couldn't survive again.

He glanced away from Edward as he questioned what would happen if the hospital found out that Carlisle was a vampire. They wouldn't exactly treat him the same way as they did now. Then again, where was the danger that they would find out? Carlisle had hidden what he was for so long in so many different places, so why would something now give him away? Did Edward know something he didn't? Edward's words about them being a danger, despite how true, were terribly annoying. “We are only a danger if we make ourselves as such,” he snapped. He closed his eyes when he realised what he had done. When did he lose his temper? That wasn't right. 'I'm sorry,' he thought briefly before opening his eyes and refocusing on Edward. He scowled when Edward questioned if he was meant to believe that Alice was going to die. “It takes a lot for a vampire to die...” he began, in a clearly gentler tone than before. “You and I both know that,” he finished.

“Alice is not going to die...” he offered. Edward was trying to deny what Alice had seen to discount anything she had seen about himself and Damienne. 'Always so stubborn...' he considered sadly. He cast his eyes down, sensing Edward's irritating as he said he was trying, that he wasn't giving up. It all pinned on how he saw himself as being foolish within this situation. “If you're trying and you're not giving up, why are you foolish?” he questioned gently. “Where in trying and making an effort for this to work does that make you a fool?” he asked. He tilted his head slightly as he considered Edward's words about Damienne. “Are you telling me you don't hate what our family is? You hate what you are, therefore, you hate what this family is,” he began in reply. “So, I think you and Damienne certainly have something in common there,” he went on. It was common knowledge that Edward hated being a vampire, hated being a 'monster', so surely that applied to the rest of them as well.

He shook his head slowly as he pondered over Edward's words about Damienne wanting to be normal. “She doesn't exactly come from a 'normal' family, does she?” he began in question. “Her sense of 'normal' is that common idea of how a family should be, of how people should be, the ideals portrayed on TV and in books,” he started to reason. “She thinks that just because her family is different that it isn't 'normal'. All because in what she sees around her, other people don't go through what she goes through,” he went on. “You could give her any version of what could be 'normal'. I think if it's any situation unlike what she deals with on a day to day basis, it would be closer to the 'normal' she so covets,” he finished, hoping Edward would take into account even a little bit of what he had just said. He felt that out of everything he had said so far, his reasoning behind Damienne wanting normality was the most needed part. Edward had to realise that 'normal' was anything outside of being a shape shifter for Damienne.

He felt a definite sadness flow through him as he listened to Edward talk about how Damienne made him happy, but questioned how long that would be for, asking how long it would be until it was all taken away from him. “If she makes you happy, you have to do anything it takes to make sure that it isn't taken away from you,” he responded, passionately, yet carefully. “You both deserve it,” he muttered softly. He knew Edward wouldn't like the sound of that, but he had a feeling, in the reverse situations, that Damienne would certainly do anything it took to make it happen. He slowly shook his head as Edward spoke about how no matter what 'person' he was, deep down, he was still a monster, he would still want to kill her. Edward wasn't going to bug with that argument, Carlisle knew that, so there was no point arguing that point with him, but he could question it. “Which is stronger, Edward: the want to kill her or the want to love her?” he challenged gently.

“You've admitted she makes you happy, so how can that not be beautiful, even if it's just for the time being?” he inquired. He knew Edward wasn't happy with the idea of Alice's visions of Damienne transpiring, but what if...? “What if Alice's visions about Damienne are true? What if she doesn't become a shape shifter? Surely you should be giving her THAT choice,” he began, knowing Edward really wouldn't be happy with him posing this argument to him. Then again, not a lot of what Carlisle could say on the matter would make Edward happy, he imagined. “Sad to say, it wouldn't be your choice to make, Edward, it would be hers. You can't just decide everything for her. What then?” he asked. “What if she wanted that? Would you deny her that just because you don't like it?” he interrogated. He envisaged that Edward had only given that choice a moments thought. He didn't like what he was, he wasn't exactly going to jump at the chance of Damienne being the same.

Carlisle shrugged slightly when Edward wondered about why all this had to happen now, how he was meant to be strong for Alice if he couldn't be strong for himself. “Everything is never exactly perfectly timed with us, you should know this by now. Maybe you need to rely on Damienne more than you care to admit,” he offered in response. He hoped Edward realised how much he believed in him. He closed his eyes for a moment when Edward questioned whether he was being foolish, apologising for being selfish, sounding so guilty with it. “Listen to me,” he began as he slowly opened his eyes and refocused on the bronze haired vampire. “You're not being foolish. You're trying for something, someone that makes you happy. I've...the family has never seen you like that before and, hard as it might be to admit for some of us, it's great to see you happy,” he explained. “It's just not great, at least for me, to have you thinking you're being foolish,” he admitted.

“This is the most selfish I've ever seen you, but it's for all the right reasons. You can't keep denying yourself something that makes you happy, just because you think it's foolish, that you're being selfish. It's your happiness you're dealing with, not anyone else's,” he went on in his explanation. He wasn't sure how much of this Edward would take on board or if he would take any of it in the positive criticism Carlisle meant it as. “Yes, the family needs you, but you need to deal with yourself before you contend with the rest of us,” he observed in an air of admittance. He knew Edward was the best person to help with dealing with the family situation, but it was no point getting him to focus on that if it was going to risk his relationship with Damienne. Carlisle personally didn't want to be the blame for anything going wrong. They were going to be tried and tested so much already that Carlisle wasn't going to be responsible for turning Edward into an absentee boyfriend.