The Walls come tumbling down 19/02/05 - Damienne

[Edward Cullen]

Rather than spend another day stuck in the Cullen household Edward had made sure he had made arrangements to be around Damiennes place. His talk with Carlisle was still fresh in his mind, the choices still weighed heavily on his mind. He still hadnt made the choice whether to tell her the truth or not, but he was hoping spending some time with her would help her to decide. They had arranged this as a 'study' date, though he wasnt sure how much actual studying would get done. Jason was downstairs relaxing infront of the tv and Edward was sat up in Damiennes room, books laid out in a pile next to him on the couch as she sat on the bed. Since his break down with Carlisle Edward had been a little distant and it seemed that not even Damienne was an acception to the rule. They had been reading through lines from Hamlet and Edward had stopped pretending he was reading the lines from the book a while back, instead reciting them from memory and thinking how ironic it all was. He had lost count of how many times he had studied all of Shakespeares plays, of course for him reading it just once was enough to commit it to memory, it made studying rather boring sometimes.

He blinked and looked to Damienne as he noticed she was no longer reading the lines 'Whats wrong?' He questioned slightly watching the look on her face. Of course she had probably noticed his lack of actually 'being' there as such. It seemed that he had way too much on his mind at the moment. 'Sorry...' He muttered a little 'Having a bad day I guess.' More like a bad life, he wanted to be happy to be here with Damienne, but the choices he had to make regarding her mixed with the trouble at home was making things hard. He closed the book and placed it next to him, not that the book was on the correct page anyway. He looked over to her and sighed gently, there was no doubt about it, he loved her, but could he really destroy all of that? 'Ever had a secret you were scared to tell?' He mused gently, of course he already knew her answer to that, he knew she had a secret, except he already knew what it was. It was an unfair advantage he knew, but it wasnt like he could help it. He listened as Jason laughed downstairs at something on the tv... He was the reason he didnt want to tell Damienne... He had promised not to tell her that they were vampires.

He gritted his teeth as he rolled over the possibility of telling her in his mind. He thought he had made up his mind but in reality he really hadnt. However as he opened his mouth to speak again he felt his phone vibrate and start to ring, he frowned taking it out of his pocket, it was a call from Carlisle. He stood and turned to face the window wondering what it was Carlisle wanted, perhaps he wanted to check up on them... 'Carlisle?' He paused listening as Carlisle started to speak quickly but quietly, obviously he was aware that Damienne would be close by. Though what Carlisle had to say sent chills down his entire body... He couldnt be right could he? Surely he was wrong, the Volturi wouldnt dare do this to Alice. 'Are you okay? Is Alice okay?' Carlisles pause in thought did help matters. 'I'm coming home... Now...' A soft growl left his throat as his 'father' told him to stay put, he was obviously worried about him going back home right now if the Volturi was involved. 'Okay...' He whispered as Carlisle hung up the phone. He felt the phone slip from his fingers and fall to the floor smashing, it didnt matter, he would just get another one.

Something bad had happened, he knew it and Carlisle was trying to keep him away. 'Alice' He whispered and he felt himself lean against the wall as he concentrated hard, the Cullen home wasnt that far... He had picked up thoughts from further before, he tried to search out Alice's mind, it was faint but he could just about hear it... thoughts of guilt and horror filled his mind and he felt himself fall to his knees. He still couldnt make out what had happened, but he knew it was bad. What was worse was the Volturi was somehow involved, of course on the up side this meant that Alice wasnt ill, on the downside though it meant they were all in trouble. He looked up to Damienne and suddenly it dawned on him... If the Volturi somehow found out about Damienne... She would be in grave danger. If they were hanging around the house it wasnt safe for him to be there, it might lead them to her. He could see the concern in her eyes. 'Its... Its Alice, she hasnt been very well...' He gritted his teeth, he felt that dreaded feeling returning to him, the one he had when he had opened up to Carlisle. He just wanted to disappear...

[Damienne F. Renton]

tags:: edward cullen. word count:: 1133.
outfit:: here. lyrics:: kelly clarkson.

The arrangements regarding another visit from Edward made Damienne's mood pick up a hell of a lot. She just felt kind of...well, she couldn't really explain it. She wasn't in a bad mood, but she wasn't in the best mood she could be in, you know? Then Edward had called and her mood had picked up instantly. Edward's name and picture flashing up on her phone was enough to put a smile back on her face. She had chewed on her lip throughout the conversation where Edward basically said he was going to come over and they were going to study. She had been putting it off for a great deal of time now, so it wasn't like he was out of place telling her what to do, considering she had asked for his help with her work. She had ended up sitting on her bed in her bedroom, Edward sitting on the couch opposite her, his books piled neatly beside him, her own being spread out around her. She always felt a little better when she could delay studying because she would have to find the right book first.

She should have known from the tone of his voice when he had called her that he wasn't himself. She had noticed something about him when she had greeted him and lead him upstairs. Now, as she read through Hamlet with him, it was more than a little obvious that something was seriously wrong with him. She tried her best to keep focused on the book as she read, but, sadly, she was getting more and more distracted by how distracted Edward actually seemed. She couldn't decide if it was a combination of boredom and irritation with the fact she hadn't done this before or if there was something else. Her paranoid side was more leanient towards the first and, considering the situation, it was winning. Give her any other Shakespeare play...well, give her Macbeth or Twelfth Night or A Midsummer Night's Dream or The Merchant of Venice or The Taming of the Shrew...hell, even Romeo and Juliet, then she might have already gotten the work done by herself. She'd never really taken an interest to Hamlet and she felt she never would if this was the reaction it was getting.

Edward wasn't paying attention. He couldn't be. She stopped reading, eyes lifting up to properly focus on Edward now, tilting her head slightly. It took him a few moments before he looked up and realised she was looking at him, questioning what was wrong with her. She raised an eyebrow at him in response, even though a concerned expression already shaped her face. She wasn't completely stupid. She could tell when there was something wrong, even with Edward now. She scowled slightly, chewing on her lip as he apologised, explaining away his distance. He was having a bad day? He didn't even have to tell her that. She'd pretty much gathered that much herself from her observation of him. She lowered her eyes for a moment as he closed his book, putting it with the rest on the pile beside him on the couch, picking up the books and papers from her lap to pile them with the rest of the scattered things on her bed spread beside her. She brought her hands back to herself, dropping them into her lap as she sat crossed legged on her bed.

She lifted her eyes to look at Edward again when she heard a soft sigh coming from his direction. What could be so wrong with him? If there was something wrong, why wasn't he trying to talk about it and had kept punishing himself with reading through the work with her? It was clearly more irritating to him with him being distracted as he was, which wasn't really good for the learning process anyway. She tilted her head slightly, casting her eyes down to the floor when Edward asked if she'd ever had a secret she was scared to tell. She laughed slightly nervously to herself before replying properly. “Yeah...” she replied gently before lifting her eyes to Edward. 'And still do...' she thought. “Something like that,” she added. She scowled slightly as Edward opened his mouth to speak. “What's...?” she began to question, looking down to the floor as she saw him pulling his phone out of his pocket to answer it. She kept her gaze on the floor as Edward stood and turned to face the window.

She tried not to listen to what he was saying, clamping her eyes shut and tightening her ears as she used to do when she was a child. She leant forward, pressing her hands over her ears, trying to calm down her previous paranoia. His distraction and irritation couldn't be her fault, could it? The question bounced around inside her head as she kept herself distracted from Edward on the phone. The buzzing of Edward's voice stopped and she slowly started opening her eyes. She gasped, flinching as she heard something smash against the laminate floor, eyes quickly looking over to where Edward stood before looking down to the floor beside him where his phone lay in pieces. She quickly scrabbled her way off of her bed, shuffling over to him as she heard him whisper Alice's name. 'Something's wrong with Alice?' she thought slightly franctically to herself as she watched him lean against the wall. She opened her mouth to try and speak, but found that words caught up in her throat as she watched the look on his face.

She felt her jaw drop slightly as words continued to escape her, vicious tears stinging her eyes as Edward fell down to his knees in front of her. Something was seriously wrong here. She focused on the place Edward had leant against the wall for a moment longer before looking down to where Edward now was, blinking and letting out a sharp breath to steady herself. 'Talk to me...' she thought, feeling the concern for Edward's well being starting to mix with panic about what had gotten him so worked up about Alice. She felt her eyes sting with tears again as he spoke. 'Alice isn't very well?' she wondered as a scowl spread across her features, right before she gave in and closed her eyes. She'd heard that line so many times over in the past about her siblings and she knew full well that Alice couldn't be one of what they were, but it was like history repeating itself or something. Every time she heard that line, something really bad happened. She felt herself lowering to her knees in front of Edward, eyes still closed, hands falling into her lap. “What's wrong?” she weakly dared to ask.

[Edward Cullen]

Edward really wasnt suprised by Damienne's responce to his question about secrets. It made him wonder though how she would feel when she found out that he had known her secret all along and what was more, had his own shocking secret he couldnt tell. He wanted to tell her at the right time... But when was the right time to tell her? How could he approach the situation? He was sure coming out with something along the lines of 'By the way, I know your brother is a Werewolf, guess what, I'm a vampire!' wasnt going to work. He had thought he was ready with what he would say, but now he wasnt so sure. Everything that came to him seemed stupid and would most certainly make her hate him for hiding it. Trust him, of all the girls in the entire world, he would fall for one whos family would want to kill him. He sighed gently, he knew she would tell him her secret in time, was it really fair to play with her like that for so long when all that while he knew anyway? She would only be hurting herself with the choice, only to be hurt more when she found out she neednt have worried about her secret, but about his instead. It was becoming clear to Edward that Carlisle was right, it was cruel to not tell her, after all she was going to find out eventually. So what if he had promised Jason? Could he really sit there watching her suffer all because he had told him not to tell her the truth she needed to know?

The buzzing of his phone distracted him from his train of thought. Although he didnt know why Carlisle was calling him, Edward should have known that it would only be bad news. He hadnt departed with much information, only that Alice had another episode and this time Carlisle had worked out the Volturi were behind them. He sounded his normal calm and assertive self, giving the young vampire no clues to what happened, or how he knew the Volturi were involved in all of this. If he was right and the Volturi were involved then there was going to be a lot of trouble for the Cullens. He had never thought the Volturi would make such a bold move, he knew they were interested in Alice and himself for their gifts, but to act like this was out of character for them. He heard Damienne move from the bed after his phone shattered on the floor, he was so tired of being strong and having no one to lean on. He knew she would be concerned so her thoughts didnt suprise him, Damienne and Alice seemed to get on so well. Damienne had given some hope to Alice's current troubled life and had given her something to concentrate and look forward to. She had certainly helped his sister more than she could ever realise it.

Edward felt numb as he had fallen to the floor, though he had remembered to control it so he didnt break the floor boards. He didnt want the need to explain how he had managed to destroy her floor by simply letting himself fall on it. He could smell the salt that gathered in her tears, she was very worried, though he was sure that if her were capable he would be crying too. Instead he stared at the floor, her thoughts, asking him to talk to her made him close his eyes tightly. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to tell her everything. He wanted her to hold him like Esme held Carlisle when it got all too much for him. So long he had seen that simple gesture between them and now more than ever he craved it. As Damiennes thoughts turned to her siblings he opened his eyes and looked to her as she sat infront of him. His eyes were filled with deep pain, more than ever possible from a mortal, this was pain that had followed him for several humans life times. The pain from what was going on only made the pain of his loneliness so much stronger, seeing the look on her face only broke his heart more.

'We dont know exactly.' His voice was quiet and broken, his pain showing plain as day. 'For a while now she hasnt been herself, shes been...' He paused trying to think of the best way to describe it. 'Shes been having fits of sorts. Carlisle doesnt know whats wrong with her, and shes convinced she is dying.' He winced at the thought of Alice dying, as a vampire you never thought of death. It was near impossible anyway, though if one thing could certainly kill a vampire, it would be the Volturi. He wondered perhaps that since they knew Alice wouldnt join them, whether she was just simply a threat and so they would kill her. Though if that was the case, would he be next? If all of this was true then he could be in danger too and that made it even more important to stay away from Damienne. If the Volturi found her they would kill her and he couldnt let that happen, he had to protect her too. Though he hadnt noticed any strange thoughts from vampires in the area, though they had suspected from the deaths around Forks. Could she be avoiding him because of his gift?

He reached out slowly and took her hand in his, looking down at it as he ran his fingers over her soft warm skin. 'Since meeting you, Alice has been more positive about herself, despite thinking she might be dying. You have given her a sort of strength that even Jasper or I could seem to give her.' Jasper was in no real state to be strong for Alice, and Edward just couldnt match what her mate could do for her feelings. However when Alice was with Damienne, her thoughts changed, they were more positive, she forgot for a while those dreaded visions that she had. 'The whole family seems to be struggling, but...' He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. 'They all lean on each other... Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett... I'm the odd one out. Alice is my closest sibling but I cant be there for her like Jasper is and she cant be there for me either.' He scowled and turned his head away, there it was again, his selfish side coming out for all to see. Everyone had someone to lean on but him. As usual, he was the odd one out in the family and the one person he wanted to be able to lean on didnt even know what he really was.

At that moment he knew what he wanted, what he needed. He looked back to Damienne and reached out pulling her close to him, though gently as not to hurt her. He buried his face into her hair and neck and took in a deep breath. The smell of her scent brought a welcoming distraction, though at the same time seemed to ease some of the pain. Edward had never shown weakness like this, his weakness of wanting to be loved and cared for, at least once. He held her close and tight, not wanting to ever let go of her, in that one moment his cares almost seemed to melt away. He wanted that support, he wanted to forget about all of it. It was almost as if Damienne was sucking away all the bad things, just leaving the two of them there in each others arms. He knew she was hurting too, he only hoped that this was helping her as much as it was helping him. Never before in his life had he ever had anyone who could do this. Though it was selfish, he wanted her, he wanted her to be his mate, to be there for him like Esme was for Carlisle. He never wanted anything more, yet at the same time he didnt want it, because he couldnt, no wouldnt damn her soul.

[Damienne F. Renton]

tags:: edward cullen. word count:: 961. outfit:: here.
lyrics:: beautiful disaster by kelly clarkson.

Damienne wished she could understand Edward. Just when she thought she was getting the hang of his moods, he went and changed again. She really couldn't work him out some days. The distressed look on his face was nerve racking for her to take in, especially when she didn't know what was wrong. She chewed on her lip as her focus shifted between trying to continue with her reading, trying to work out what was wrong with Edward and building herself up to actually just ask what was wrong with him. She was just about ready to ask him what was wrong when his phone started ringing. 'Always with that phone...right when I'm getting brave...' she thought sadly as she tried even harder to keep focused the book that was open on her lap. She was about calm again when Edward dropped his phone, making her jump halfway up from where she was sat. The way the nerves returned as she moved to Edward made her jaw seem to tighten, taking away her ability to speak and just ask what was wrong.

Rushed and panicked thoughts bounced around her head as she positioned herself in front of Edward. She didn't like this one bit. She'd seen examples of Edward caring about his family, but this was an extreme show of that, which worried her greatly. She didn't like the way Edward worded what was wrong. It sounded so damn familiar to what she had heard at regular intervals through her life and was intertwined with words she never hoped to have to say about herself. She couldn't deal with hearing it about her family anymore and she certainly wouldn't be able to deal with it if she ever had to say such things about her own well being. She was happy being different from her fluffy siblings. She didn't want the violent mood swings that they had. She didn't want to end up like her mother. Once she had posed her question in relation to what was wrong with Alice, she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes again. There had to be reason Edward was showing what he felt so much and that wasn't to make her have a minor breakdown as well. She was meant to be there for him, right?

She felt a tingling shiver run down her spine as Edward continued to talk. 'Seriously, this is far too familiar for my liking,' she thought to herself, still not opening her eyes to face that look on Edward's face. Her father had often told her about her siblings 'not being themselves' and 'having fits of sorts'. Alice couldn't be anything like her family. She wasn't from round here originally. She gasped softly, her eyes flicking open, fresh tears welling in her eyes, stinging them again when Edward said that Alice was convinced she was dying. That was something she hadn't heard in previous versions of this sort of conversation. It had to be something completely different. Granted, that didn't make her feel any better about it. Alice wasn't well. That was the main issue right now. She was on the level of 'not well' where she thought she was dying. That could not be good at all. “No...” she whispered weakly, shaking her head in disbelief as she searched Edward's face. He wasn't lying, she knew that. He couldn't lie about something like this. He wouldn't lie about something like this.

She lowered her head as she continued to contend with the disbelief. She chewed on her lip as she saw Edward's hand move towards hers and pick it up in how own, watching his fingers trace over the surface of her skin, leaving a trail of cold tingling sensation where his fingers touched. “Alice has all of you though,” she said softly in reply, lifting her eyes to look at Edward's face again. She struggled over what to say next, shrugging slightly as she tried to compose her words to form proper sentences. She let out a gentle breath before continuing. “What good am I?” she murmured as she lowered her eyes to their hands again. She blinked slowly as she watched their hands whilst Edward continued to talk about what was wrong. The family was struggling? She hadn't noticed. Was she really that naïve not to notice something like that or were they just that good at hiding it? She lifted her head as he finished speaking about how the others had someone to lean on, except him, just in time to see him looking away from her.

That seemed to be enough to make the silent tears finally fall down her pale cheeks. “But you have me,” she muttered in quite a soft, forlorn voice. She had barely heard her own words, so she had no real idea regarding whether Edward had heard them. She didn't resist as Edward turned to her again, finally reaching out to her and pulling her closer to him. She closed her eyes, taking a shaky breath as more silent tears fell and Edward buried his face into her hair and neck, hearing him take a deep breath. Much as it felt good, in a sense, to have Edward care enough about her to be this open with her, she couldn't help but doubt herself somewhat. She didn't even mean to think it. 'I'm sorry if I'm not enough...' she thought sadly as she wrapped her comforting arms around Edward the best she could. She wanted to be there for him, even if he didn't think he could completely lean on her. She just wanted to be there for him in any way that she could. She just wasn't sure exactly how she could help him.

[Edward Cullen]

This news had come at the worst time possible. He couldnt help his reaction to the news and yet he wished Damienne didnt have to see this. He didnt want her to know about Alice and her fits, but there was no point in hiding it. Part of him wanted her to know, part of him just wanted to tell her everything. He hated all of these secrets, and knowing all of her secrets just made it all the more painful for him. The fact that what was happening to Alice reminded her of her own past made him feel worse, though he knew of course that what her siblings had suffered didnt result in their death. As things were the Volturi were more than capable of killing Alice if they wanted to, though he didnt know if that was their intention or not. Edward was suprised to see how badly the news that Alice wasnt well was affecting Damienne. The look on her face as he explained made his chest tighten, he had never meant to bring his pain to her, this wasnt her problem to be worrying about. He had tried so hard to protect her from this simple thing and he had failed. If he couldnt protect her from something like this, he had no hope of protecting her from himself.

He sighed sadly as she tried once again to say that she wasnt needed. Yes Alice had her family, but she was so scared of hurting them all that she had become withdrawn. Of course Damienne didnt know the guilt that flowed through Alice's thoughts whilst she was with her family, where as with Damienne those thoughts disappear. 'Sometimes the fear of hurting the ones we love push us away from them.' He whispered softly, trying to explain. Alice hardly spoke to any of them, and if she did she put up her defenses so that he and Jasper couldnt tell her true thoughts and feelings. Alice had always been good at hiding her true feelings, he just wished he could help her, he wished she would let him help her. 'When she is with you... Its like all her fears and worries are forgotton, its something she cannot do whilst just with us.' Damienne had given her a freedom from her family that she had never had before, a real glimpse into the life of a human... Even if Damienne wasnt the standard human in the scheme of things.

Of course the Cullens were a very private family, it wasnt suprising that Damienne hadnt noticed the family was starting to fall apart at the seams. Not only were they good at hiding it but no one was ever close enough to them to notice. They all dealt with their grief in different ways, though generally the person holding them together was Carlisle and even he was starting to flag. He had never known his father to be this way, he was starting to act in ways the young vampire had never seen and he knew that if it were not for Esme supporting him as best she could the family would have been torn apart. The ones coping the best out of it seemed to be Rosalie and Emmett, though Rosalie didnt tend to show her concern he knew it was there from her thoughts. Emmett was being his usual self though, Edward envied him somewhat, he only wished he could feel the way he did. He knew that his moods had not been helping the situation but Edward really didnt have anyone to turn to. As much as he wanted to tell Damienne everything he simply couldnt, even that ripped him up inside. Everything seemed to taunt him in some way and it was slowly destroying him.

He winced slightly as she muttered that he had her... It was what he longed for, to have Damienne in the same way that Carlisle had Esme, or that Alice had Jasper. Yet he knew it would never be that way and when Damienne finally understood why she wouldnt want anything to do with him. However he needed her so badly, drawing her close to him he just wanted the world to vanish. He just wanted to stay in her arms forever, her scent comforted him just as much as it made him hunger for her. He felt her arms wrap around him and he let out a sigh, hearing those words that echoed through her mind. 'You are...' He whispered, not even noticing he had answered her thoughts, he was too wrapped up in the comfort of her to even notice. He nuzzled her neck gently as he held her. Here he was again, being the selfish spoiled brat... He needed her comfot and so he was taking it, he didnt want it to end. 'Mia...' He whispered 'Please... Dont ever leave...' He gritted his teeth, he needed her so badly, he didnt know what he would do if he were to lose her. His voice was pained and needy, it seemed at that moment, that she was the only thing keeping him going.

[Damienne F. Renton]

tags:: edward cullen. word count:: 1142. outfit:: here.
lyrics:: beautiful disaster by kelly clarkson.

Damienne hadn't expect this and she had especially not expected seeing Edward in this sort of way. She always imagined it would be her cracking for some reason or another, but not Edward, never Edward. She chewed the inside of her lip over and over as she watched Edward and tried to take in what he was saying, feeling her chest tighten uncomfortably. She didn't expect her own reaction to be as bad as it was. She hadn't really known Alice for that long...then again, the same could be said for the length of time she had known Edward and she knew for sure that she felt very strongly about him. She took in a sharp breath, a scowl forming her features before she looked down at her lap and exhaled. She had never felt so strongly about anybody, let alone telling anyone she loved them, not in the way she said it to Edward. How she felt about Alice was up there with how she felt about Dorian: the supportive siblings, the one that can do no wrong, but, if anything negative happens...it's like the world implodes or something.

She lifted her head and refocused her eyes on Edward as he continued to speak in a low whisper. She chewed on her lip again, nodding her head slightly at his words. “Yet because we push them away, we hurt them anyway,” she replied softly. She'd had a similar sort of talk with Dorian in the past when she was trying to come to terms with everything that seemed to go terribly wrong in her life and with the family, but it had been her that had originally come to her next conclusion. “It's a vicious circle,” she began, lowering her eyes, but not her head this time as she considered her next words. “No matter what we try the consequential actions end up hurting someone somewhere along the line...” she went on, lifting her eyes ever so slowly to look at Edward again. “...and it's often the case that we hurt the one we care about the most,” she finished. She'd heard a lot of familiar words in the last few moments with Edward explaining what was wrong with Alice, but she never thought any of them would have to come out of her mouth.

The thing was her words had a whole new meaning now. Right now, here, in this situation, they meant more, a whole lot more. She lowered her head and eyes again this time as Edward went on about things were different when Alice was around her, how Alice was different. She knew to herself that the Cullens were a welcome distraction to the fact that none of her family even bothered with her a lot of the time, but she never would have thought she would have a similar sort of affect on any of them. She wasn't going to question it. It always seemed to lead back to how long they had known one another, but if she observed that against them, it could easily be turned around onto her. “I'm glad I have some sort of positive effect,” she whispered, glancing up to Edward, laughing nervously before a soft smile remain on her face. She wasn't entirely sure that that had been the right thing to say, but she imagined Edward was sick of hearing the negative things she had to say about herself.

Wrapping her arms around Edward was all she felt she could do for him. She didn't even really know what to say. She wasn't exactly the best when it came to saying things out loud...unless she was arguing, of course, then she seemed unable to shut up until she made her point heard. She doubted that that was what Edward wanted right now. One hand found the back of his neck, tracing her fingers over his icy cold skin as she had done that evening in the meadow. She closed her eyes as she thought of that evening, willing the silent tears to stop falling down her face. It had been so beautiful and so well thought out on Edward's part and she certainly wouldn't forget it any time soon. She shuffled as closed as she could to Edward without actually just sitting in his lap, tightening her grip around him. What was she supposed to do? She wasn't prepared for anything like this. She had never thought Edward would break down like this...ever. He certainly seemed a lot less vulnerable before...

She opened her eyes, a slight scowl on her face as she heard Edward whispered. “What?” she whispered softly. Had he just answered her thought? He couldn't have. That just wasn't possible...was it? The questions stopped bouncing around her head as she felt him nuzzle against her neck again, feeling his cold skin pressing against hers. 'Why is he always so cold...?' she thought, chewing on the inside of her lip. She was worried that her room wasn't warm enough, but she was certainly plenty warm. She was distracted again as he spoke in a whisper once more. Her eyes fell closed at his words and a few more tears fell down her warm cheeks. 'As if he could even think that, let alone say it out loud...' she thought sadly. She opened her eyes and quickly used her sleeve to brush the tears from her cheeks before loosening her grip on Edward, though she didn't really move far, only shifting her arms from being around his body. She placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her.

She hesitated for a moment, caught between finding the right words and noticing how dull Edward's normally bright golden eyes really looked today. 'The stress must really be getting to him...or something...' she thought, finding that to be the only explanation for that change in him. Besides, it wasn't the time for worrying about that. “Edward...” she began softly. “How could I ever leave?” she asked shakily, feeling her eyes sting again. She didn't want to cry again, but it seemed she may end up with no choice in that matter. Her body had other plans. She glanced down for a moment, taking a breath in order to compose herself. She lifted her eyes back up to focus on his before she continued. “I love you...” she started ever so gently. “...and I'm not going anywhere,” she went on. She leaned forward so that her face was an inch or so from Edward's, her eyes still searching his. “I promise,” she said in what barely resembled an audible whisper before her eyes fell shut and she pressed her lips against his for a brief moment as if sealing her own words to him.

[Edward Cullen]

With her past and having lost her mother so young Edward could only feel guilty for having to drag Damienne into all of this. He shouldnt have tried making an excuse to stay out of the house... He should have stayed at home and then this might not have happened. Its not like he had actually achieved anything study wise by being around Damiennes house. Once again he was being selfish and putting his need to be around her before anything else. He sighed softly as she spoke, Alice had never pushed her family away, he had never seen her act like this. She was even hiding her feelings from Jasper, hell he was used to her hiding her thoughts from him... But hiding things from Jasper? 'Alice is the least selfish person I know.' He finally managed after a pause of silence. 'She has never been like this... She has never pushed us away before, shes scared and she feels alone but she wont let us help...' Alice had never needed to push them away, she was always the one to help them see a course of action. Now without her foresight the family felt blind. It was strange how much they had come to rely on her gift when it was so readily avaliable. Now it was suddenly gone they all felt lost and unsure.

Edward had assumed that Jasper didnt know about this... He knew it would be Alice's wish to keep the details from him, though he also knew she wouldnt be able to keep it secret from him for long. Alice didnt normally hide things from her family, he knew she was distressed and he felt helpless. He wanted to help her but she wasnt letting him. If she wasnt letting Jasper help what chance did he have? Edward smiled a little as he saw the small smile on Damienne's lips. 'You have brought out a different side of her... One I dont think I have ever seen...' She had never had a human friend and Alice had been jumping at the chance to do more human things around her. It was nice to know that Damienne wasnt just having a positive effect on him. He always worried about Alice, she found it the hardest to fit in out of the Cullens. He had a feeling Damienne didnt fully believe that she was having a good effect on her though. She certainly seemed reluctant to admit she was good for them... Or at least him and Alice.

He let out a soft breath as her fingers traced over the back of his neck. He didnt like upsetting her and he wanted to find a way to stop those silent tears that ran down her cheeks... There was no reason for her to be crying, no reason at all. He held her close as she shuffled closer to him, why did this intimate moment have to be because of something so bad? The closeness of her to him brought him a comfort he had never experienced before, her warmth against his cold skin and her scent made his head feel slightly light headed. It was difficult to keep focused, which he knew he needed to do, but it was so tempting just to give in to it all. Damienne wasnt like his fellow brothers mates, or Carlisles. She was so fragile, it was like hugging glass, except softer and more comforting. Though for the first time in his vampire years, Edward felt vunerable and weak. It was Damienne that was holding him together as he slowly came apart by the seams. He only wished he didnt have to show her this side when she seemed to so badly need him for support too.

Edward realised too late to what Damienne was questioning, his guard was down and he had mistakingly answered her thought instead of something she had said out loud. It wasnt often Edward slipped up, only when he had other things weighing on his mind... like now. As he nuzzled her neck he let out a silent relieved sigh, though the realisation that he had answered her thought was replaced by her noticing something else that gave away his monstrous nature. Though it seemed lucky for Damienne that she seemed to be easily distracted away from thoughts that could give him away for something not quite human. He felt her pull away from him slightly and wipe her tears from her face. He had made her feel like this, he had made her so unhappy and he knew one day would come where he would lose her, whether she wanted it or not. His eyes closed at the thought of bringing all this pain to her, but was suprised when her hands found the side of his face forcing him to look at her. His eyes opened looking into hers, those eyes that he could so easily get lost in if he let himself.

Her next thought gave away yet another clue to his true nature, he sighed slightly, she was being rather observent today, even if she didnt realise it. He wondered how long it would take before she discovered the truth and he lost her forever. He bit his tongue as she asked him how she could ever leave him. He could think of plenty of reasons she would, some of them would be by choice and some of them would just be life taking it course. He didnt want her to cry... Not because of him, he wasnt worth her tears. He moved his hand to gently wipe away her tears, pausing in shock as she continued to speak. His eyes looked into hers, did she really mean that? He knew he loved her, but she had never been this bold in coming out with it like this. His lips parted to say something just as she closed her eyes and leaned forward, her lips meeting his. He wasnt expecting it and for a moment his body went ridgid as he was overwhelmed by the taste of her on his lips.

His stiffness relaxed after a moment as he composed himself, difficult though it was whilst his hunger forced itself out of its cage. He kissed her back, slowly at first but with a growing need. He needed this, he needed her, the taste of her drove him wild but he fought against his monstrous nature. He was amazed how many moments like this they seemed to have, how she seemed to know the right things to do to make him forget his worries... His concerns for Alice were pushed aside for now, he couldnt worry about that now whilst he was held in Damienne's arms. He loved her, there was no doubt about that, though certain members of his family didnt like it, it was the truth. The only thing that scared him now was the future... What it held for the two of them, and how long this feeling could last before it all ended in distaster.

[Damienne F. Renton]

tags:: edward cullen. word count:: 768. outfit:: here.
lyrics:: 'beautiful disaster' by kelly clarkson.

Damienne tilted her head as she watched Edward, allowing him the freedom to continue speaking, if he wanted it. She didn't want to push him into talking. She was amazed by the fact he'd even started like this, let alone continued with it. She was glad that he felt comfortable enough with her to confide in her like this, she was just sad that she'd had to find this out under...well, not so ideal circumstances. She let out a soft breath of relief when he finally spoke again, slightly worried by his silence. She considered his words as he spoke before offering her answer. She wasn't sure if he wanted her answers, but she couldn't just sit there in silence, not when the situation was as it was. “Even the not so selfish people do things that are a little selfish sometimes,” she began gently. “It's part of human nature...” she went on, stopping herself and chewing on the inside of her lip at her words. Well, she knew it wasn't just part of human nature either, considering her family background. “Well, it's part of being a person,” she corrected before listening to Edward continue.

Edward observed how Alice had never been like this, she'd never pushed them away. She was scared and felt alone, but wouldn't let them help. “If she's scared, surely her actions are understandable,” she offered in reply. She knew she'd acted strangely before now when she was scared as a child and she knew the rest of her family were the same. “People change when the situations call for it,” she pointed out. She herself knew that all too well. She felt slightly better when Edward finally smiled again, a partial version of his perfect crooked grin, but it was there nevertheless. “As long as she's happy, then I'm happy,” she answered softly with a slight shrug. 'I just don't understand how I can change someone like that...' she wondered to herself. She knew Edward wouldn't want to hear that from her again. She kept not understanding her effect on him and Alice, but she couldn't keep going on about it now, could she? This wasn't about her. This was about Edward, this was about Alice.

Pulling away from Edward as she recomposed herself felt oddly difficult to do. She didn't want to let go of him or be even this slight distance away for even a second, not when he was like this. Wiping her cheeks, she saw Edward's eyes fall closed. She wasn't going to have that. Grabbing either side of his face and making him look at her may not have been something he would have wanted her to do, but she had to make him listen and believe what she was saying, searching his golden eyes. She chewed on her lip as Edward reached up and wiped away her tears, feeling her skin tingle at the contact of his cold fingers. She noticed him pause as she spoke. He hadn't expected that, had he? She meant every word. Pressing her lips against his, she felt him tense up. She couldn't decide if that was because of the previous shock of her words, the new shock of her actions or he didn't want her to do that. As it developed, she didn't have to decide, feeling Edward relax against her, feeling him start to kiss her back.

She started to feel more and more need in the way Edward was kissing her, a need she started to reflect as she kissed him, lacing her fingers into his messy, soft, bronze coloured hair. She revelled in the idea of how her fingers were going to make it a lot messier than usual. It was an entertaining thought as to how Edward's hair could get any messier than he had it normally. She sat up on her knees and then sat up higher, making herself a little taller than he was, just to stop herself from straddling his lap. She could quite easily explain away the reason why she was kneeling in front of him if her dad wandered in, but she couldn't really effectively explain away the reason why she was straddling him. Why was she even thinking about it? She broke the kiss for a brief moment to breathlessly mumble “Edward...” before pressing her lips against his again. She didn't want it to end, she didn't want to stop, but she knew it would. Edward would come to his senses and make them both get back to work or something in a minute...

[Edward Cullen]

Human Nature... a slight amused smirk spread across his lips before fading again. Alice didnt even know what human nature was, as far as she remembered she had never been human. He let out a soft sigh, she was right though, Alice was acting very human like at the moment even if she didnt realise it. That thought would possibly comfort Alice in a bizarre way that only the Cullens could possibly understand. Alice had never been frightened of anything, she was always so strong and certain. The more Edward thought about it the more human Alice seemed to be behaving. Who would have thought her finest human moment in her life would come from something so terrible? 'Yes... Your right, it really is...' He raised his eyebrow a little as she corrected herself, of course she understood that not just humans had these emotions. Though she wouldnt realise these emotions were strange to someone like Alice who never knew what it was like to ever be human. Werewolves were ruled by their emotions, where as Vampires found human emotions harder to understand. Though Edward was having to admit that being in Damienne's company was really starting to make him understand some emotions better than he had done before. For a start he was starting to understand the feeling of love... It was a strange feeling, one he still wasnt one hundred percent certain on yet.

Alice being scared was still such a foreign idea, but he nodded slowly as Damienne said her actions are understandable. 'Yes... We are just not used to Alice being scared, its the first time I have ever seen her frightened of anything.' Alice was bold as brass and feared nothing... Not even the future, but now even that scared her, which in turn scared him. 'Well shes a lot more relaxed and happy in your company.' He commented softly as he heard her thoughts about not understanding how she managed it. She still couldnt see her worth, though with what he could piece together of her life he couldnt really blame her. There was so much she had to cope with from such a young age, he only hoped that he could help her see that she was worth a lot more than she thought she was. To him she was the world and with every day that passed he knew he couldnt live without her there. Though of course that brought back the concerns about their future, or lack of at least. Though he had planned to talk about their future today Edward realised this was no longer the right time, not when he felt like this. He knew he would only make things worse and her couldnt hurt Damienne any more right now.

The change in Damienne shocked Edward but also seemed to light a fire inside him. This certainly was a distraction from the worries that so heavily weighed on the young vampires shoulders. He could sense the need from her, as well as having his own needs. A soft growl left his lips as she pulled away and mumbled his name... He was aware how close she was, how she had lifted herself slightly above him. It stirred the beast inside of him, wanting more than just her company and reassurance. Though he knew it was wrong, there was that niggling voice in the back of his mind telling him to stop, but at the same time he felt like he couldnt. A soft rumble trembled through his lips as he pulled her even closer to him, this really wasnt helping him decide on the best way forward for them... Her thoughts about how he would come to his senses for a moment flew over his head. Until he suddenly realised he was letting his emotions put her in danger. He tensed at the realisation and pulled away slowly from her 'Mia...' He whispered gently as he closed his eyes and composed himself. He needed a moment to clear his mind before he opened them again and pulled her to him, but hugging her gently instead of kissing her.

He always went too far, although he knew that it was what Damienne wanted he couldnt let it happen. She didnt realise how dangerous he was and how close she could get to losing her life by his hands. 'Thankyou...' Even though she was tempting him in the wrong way she was also helping him cope with everything that was going on. Though he knew she wouldnt understand it all, she wouldnt be able to see why she was helping him so much. All she had to do though was be herself and she would help him in some way. He moved back a little from her as he lifted his hand and gently ran his fingers down her face. 'I know you cant see it... But you help me in the greatest ways...' He didnt want her to think it was because of something she had done that he needed to pull away... It would be so much easier if she actually understood why he couldnt let things get out of hand. But that wasnt something he wanted to discuss right now... 'I am... Sorry I didnt tell you earlier about Alice. Its just not something thats known outside of our family.' He felt slightly guilty he hadnt told her, but he couldnt draw her too deeply into it, especially now he knew the Volturi were involved.

[Damienne F. Renton]

tags:: edward cullen. word count:: 915. outfit:: here.
lyrics:: 'beautiful disaster' by kelly clarkson.

Damienne chewed on her lip for a moment when Edward agreed with her, saying she was right. “That doesn't happen often, I know,” she joked softly, an ever so slight smirk on her face. Jokes probably were a misplaced concept right now, but she was trying it. “I do know some stuff though...” she went on, completely losing her train of thought completely now. She didn't really know where she was going with her stupid words. “Sorry...” she apologised, noticing the look on Edward's face. She was apologising for two very complex things in that one simple words: first, she was apologising for the totally inappropriate time to try and be funny and completely failing at it at that; and second, she was apologising for her correction, it wasn't something he would understand, considering she had yet to tell him about the not so human people in her family. She cast her eyes down quickly as she continued to think about it, mentally slapping herself. Maybe the self correction was totally inappropriate.

She considered Edward's words for a moment before speaking again. “Some people hide their feelings well,” she commented, sounding a little resentful. She didn't mean it of Edward, not at this moment, in any case, though she couldn't deny that he was difficult to read on occasion. “Maybe she couldn't hide it this time?” she tried to try and justify why the family weren't used to it. “Maybe that's why you've never experienced this side of her?” she continued to suggest, realising that even to herself she sounded a little naïve and unsure. She smiled slightly at Edward's words. “Well, that's good to know,” she replied gently, though her smile started to fade as she considered his words and the concept a little further. “Just...” she began, chewing on her lip, a scowl starting to shape her features now. “I don't know...” she interjected, trying to think of what she wanted to say properly. “Just...don't think I'm going to be around all the time or anything, y'know?” she pointed out, sadness tainting her tone.

She continued to look anywhere, but Edward before she finished what she was trying to say. “I can't make that promise...” she mumbled. She knew all too well that she couldn't make that promise. What if she turned out like her more furry siblings? They had all turned away from even the closest of their friends once the change took over. She couldn't be certain that she wouldn't turn and, if she did, she couldn't be certain that she wouldn't turn away from Edward, despite how much she cared about him now. She didn't want that. She didn't want to change. She didn't want to be one of those...things and she didn't want to turn away from Edward. She closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head vigorously before opening her eyes and refocusing on Edward. She had to tell him...He was letting her in. How could she sit by and not let him in? She couldn't...not right now. This was about Edward. It wouldn't be fair. Besides, he was upset enough. This was probably one of the last things he needed to hear as well.

Fingers tangled into Edward's hair and lips pressed against his, everything else just seemed to melt away. A shiver ran down her spine and her breath caught in her throat as she heard the soft growl Edward produced as she mumbled his name. She knew the moment she felt Edward tense up that he'd come to his senses, just as she knew he would. She kept her eyes closed as he whispered her name. Even when she opened her eyes, she kept them down. She hadn't really helped anything then. She'd just...sort of...lost it for a moment. She could feel his eyes on her, but she felt a little embarrassed if she was completely honest with herself, submitting to his arms as he hugged her gently. She opened her eyes slowly, a slightly confused look on her face as Edward spoke again. “'Thank you' for what...?” she questioned uncertainly, still not lifting her eyes, not even sure it was embarrassment that was stopping her looking at him now...or something else. Guilt perhaps? “I didn't really...do anything,” she went on, not entirely pleased with her choice of words.

She let out a soft sigh as Edward spoke. 'You're totally right, I can't see it at all,' she started to answer in her head. She had been honest enough with the things she said out loud. That thought verbalised would have just sounded horribly sarcastic. 'I'm just here to make things more complicated than they already are,' she considered. Now, if she had said THAT out loud, she would have definitely have had to explain it. She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't an appropriate time for that. “You don't have to apologise,” she said softly, resting her head on his shoulder. “I'm honestly surprised you told me...” she continued, tracing Edward's arm with her fingertips. “I didn't think you...” she began, swallowing before continuing to with, “...trusted me enough for that.” She had yet to look up at him, but she didn't want him to see the guilt and uncertainty that she couldn't feel like she could hide. She wrapped her arms around him, nuzzling her face into his neck, clamping her eyes shut.

[Edward Cullen]

Edward slowly shook his head a little as she said it didnt happen often. 'It happens more often then you think... Perhaps you should trust yourself a little more.' Damienne wasnt stupid that was for certain, she picked things up but her own twisted background obscured her views a little more than an average human. 'There is no need to apologise Mia...' He whispered gently. None of this was her fault so there was nothing she had to apologise for. She was only trying to lighten the mood, even if Edward didnt think it would help at that exact moment. He didnt want her blaming herself for anything, especially when this was about him and his family. He noticed how her family was on her mind again, he really hated the fact he was keeping knowing about them secret from her. Hiding it from him was hard on her, he could tell that, but now wasnt the time to admit to her that he knew it all. He thought it might have been but with all of this going on he knew it wasnt the time.

Edward sighed a little as Damienne went on to say perhaps she had hidden her feelings before. Of course Edward knew this wasnt the case, Alice was good at hiding her thoughts from Edward at times, but hiding her feelings from Jasper was harder. He was confident that she had never felt this way before and her thoughts scared Edward... To the point where he tried hard to block them out at times. The usual happy go lucky thoughts were replaced by thoughts of death and fear. 'Its complicated, but I can safely say Alice has never felt like this before.' He smiled sadly, he missed the old Alice, the Alice that made everyone smile, who lit up the room with her happy aura. Seeing her now it was hard to believe she was once this way and that once she didnt seem to have a care in the world. 'Well, at least not since she has been living with us...' He had known Alice for a very long time, and sometimes it slipped his mind that for 'human' purposes he hadnt known her all that long... After all she was meant to be fostered by Carlisle and Esme and he was meant to be the one they 'fostered' first.

Edward frowned as Damienne struggled to find the words to express what she wanted to say. When she finally managed it he closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. Her thoughts turned to her family again, but more specifically what her family meant for her. However she didnt realise that there would be more than just the rejection if the change was meant to happen... They would become enemies and they wouldnt want to be in each others company. It was hard enough trying not to grimace at the smell of her brothers, let alone be close to her when she smelt so strongly of dog... 'I know...' He whispered gently in responce to her not being able to make the promise. He opened his eyes seeing how she was shaking the thoughts from her mind. It was obvious the thought of becoming like her brothers frightened her... If there was something Edward could have done to reassure her it wouldnt happen he would have done it. But as it stood he couldnt, he knew Jason didnt know if she carried the gene. One of her sisters had carried it so there was the chance that Damienne did too. Though he didnt want to think about it, even though it was hard not to.

He didnt want to break away from her, but he knew it was for her safety. One slip and she would be dead, and he and his family would be hunted down by her family. That really wasnt something he wanted to happen, his family were important to him... As was Damienne. He sighed gently as he sensed her embarassment, there was no need for it. Once again it had been his fault, he hadnt controlled himself, he had been distracted and it was dangerous. He was saddened that she couldnt see how much she helped him, she distracted him and thats what he needed. He also needed the comfort of someone being there for him and at that time she was there for him, even though it might not last. 'Why wouldnt I trust you Mia?' He questioned softly, he didnt understand why she felt guilty. He wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her gently. 'Mia... Whats wrong?' He held her closely and reassuringly, he didnt want her feeling this way.

[Damienne F. Renton]

tags:: edward cullen. word count:: 915. outfit:: here.
lyrics:: 'beautiful disaster' by kelly clarkson.

Damienne half glanced up at Edward through her eyelashes. He certainly had more faith in her than she had in herself. “If you say so...” she replied in a gentle, slightly sing song tone, considering what else Edward had said. 'Trust myself? That's a little...difficult,' she mused, mulling over several ideas as to why she couldn't trust herself: she was only human and wanted to be as close to Edward as she possibly could, but she always seemed to manage to screw it up; she was potentially something more than human and anything could set that off; and it was only a matter of time before she screwed up in some way because she almost always did, she had very few friends that hung around from her childhood now. 'How come he's always allowed to be all apologies and I'm not?' she wondered. Edward was a frequent user of the word 'sorry' and, despite her instance that he didn't ever have to be sorry with her, he always said it, yet the situation reversed always had the same outcome.

She tilted her head slightly as she observed Edward as he continued to speak. 'Complicated?' she wondered, chewing on the inside of her lip before speaking again. “I guess things can be pretty complicated in a family like yours. What with you all being fostered...coming from different backgrounds...” she began in reply. It seemed pretty obsolete the fact that they were all fostered. That was one complication and was nothing to do with how Alice was acting, right? “I'm sorry, that was completely stupid,” she mumbled, shaking her head and casting her eyes down. She lifted her eyes slowly as Edward spoke again, a new idea being brought into her head. “Maybe she's...regressing...to how she may have been before she lived with you?” she suggested, sounding a little uncertain. It had been thought that before she had passed away, her mother had started to regress to the freedom of how she had been allowed to act when she was younger: letting her emotions rule her, primarily the frustration.

It was difficult to try and say what she needed to say without having to explain to Edward why she was saying it in the first place. She had almost another year and a half to wait before she could be certain that she could even consider making that promise, but who was to say that she wouldn't screw up in some other way before then? 'How can you know...?' she thought sadly to herself as she heard Edward's whispered words. If only the werewolf gene didn't run in the family in the first place...'Yeah, that's right, discount your dad's choice in women. Very well done, Damienne,' she scorned herself. The only two pivotal 'if only' situations were: if only the gene wasn't known to run down the female side of the family, if only the gene wasn't known to show itself a few months after the age of seventeen...She didn't want to be like the others. Bernie had made it passed any point that the gene could manifest itself in her, so why couldn't Damienne? That was because she wasn't Bernie. She could be just like her mother.

The damn gene had torn the family apart. She had seen what it did to the rest of them and she was both angry with and petrified of the idea of becoming like that. She tried her best at remaining emotionally stable, but it was so difficult with a family such as hers, even the calmest of her siblings had gone that way out, granted, they were the boys, but still...She often wondered if the gene had skipped her. Stevie had carried the gene and she was the eldest daughter. Bernie hadn't carried the gene and she was the second daughter born. There would have been a third daughter, another one before Damienne had things not gone wrong during the birth. She wondered if that made her lucky. Well, she knew it made her lucky to even exist, but she wondered if it made her lucky enough to not carry the gene. It may have seemed like a horrible thought to the outsider, but, to her, it seemed a perfectly natural thing to consider, especially since she didn't want to be like the rest of them.

“I guess...” she started, quite uncertain, at that point, about what she even wanted to say and how she wanted to answer his question about why he wouldn't trust her. 'I can think of a whole bunch of reasons...' she considered, even though she was aware that some of the reasons he didn't even know because she hadn't explained things to him. “I guess I just still can't see what you see in me to even be around me, let alone...trust me like this,” she settled on as an answer. It wasn't like it wasn't one of the answers floating round in her head because it was something she considered every day. She tightened her grip around Edward as he asked what what wrong. “It's...complicated,” she mumbled against his neck, laughing nervously as she realised that those were his words just a moment ago. She shook her head as she finally lifted her face from his neck and looked him in the eyes. “This is about me. This is about you...and Alice,” she forced, before casting her eyes down. “Just ignore me,” she muttered.

[Edward Cullen]

It was obvious that no matter what Edward said, Damienne would never believe in herself or trust herself. Though he really couldnt blame her all that much. He sensed how frightened she was of becoming like her brothers, becomin the thing that tore her family apart. Then again it wasnt something that she could control, and he had to admit that her being a werewolf was the least of her worries with all the trouble that seemed to be brewing. His thoughts flickered for a moment back to Carlisle' words... The Volturi were involved. As far as Edward was aware the Volturi were unaware of the La Push Wolves and if they were to find out they might mistake their co existance as being allies. If that was the case Edward was sure Aro would start getting worried that the Cullen's were gaining too much 'power'. Edward knew that the Volturi didnt like the influence Carlisle had amongst some of the nomad vampires and they would look for any excuse to come down harshly on them all. Damienne was in danger from them as long as Alice was ill, but what could he do? He couldnt just abandon her with no explination, even if in the long run it would work out better for them all. No, first he would talk to Carlisle and find out exactly what was going on before he made any decisions.

A slight frown flickered across his brow as she questioned to herself why he was allowed to apologise and she wasnt. The way Edward saw it she had nothing to apologise for. Though he knew she thought differently none of the things she apologised for were her fault. Where as Edward knew that he apologised for more than the way he acted, but also for the terrible things that were going to come, for the lies he told her and lastly for the monster he really was. At least werewolves didnt have to kill to survive, unlike him, even if he did only feast on animals it hadnt always been that way. How could she ever forgive him for killing humans to feed on? He knew she would be horrified at the thought. She probably thought he would never harm a fly, but she was very wrong about that and thats why he always felt the need to apologise. The view she had of him was inaccurate, it was all just some elaborate lie. He knew that the word sorry couldnt atone for nearly half the things he had done in his vampiric life, he was a monster and lived in sin and even god himself had turned his back on him. The word would never be said enough to earn him forgiveness.

Edward nodded slowly as Damienne commented on how it must be complicated with them all coming from different backgrounds. If only she knew just how true that really was. 'Dont apologise... Its not as stupid as you think it may sound.' After all it WAS complicated, just not in the way Damienne was thinking. He let out a soft sigh as she said that perhaps she was regressing to how she was before she met them. 'I guess that is a possibility... Once again its complicated.' He paused for a moment before continuing. 'You see... Alice had some sort of trauma in her past, she doesnt actually remember much of her life before coming to live with us.' He knew it sounded odd, but it was the truth, she didnt have any memory before she was turned. She knew no other life and if she had been like this as a human they had no way of diagnosing it since no one knew what she was like back then. Though Edward had a feeling this new Alice they were seeing was brought on simply from the fact that for once in her life Alice didnt know how things were going to turn out and it scared her. He would be the same if his own power was suddenly taken from him, he would be lost. His power, just like Alice's was a part of who he was and losing it was frightening indeed.

It was obvious from her thoughts that Damienne hated what her family was. They really were similar in more ways than they thought. After all Edward hated what he and his family were, though he loved them all the same they were monsters and nothing would change that. At least Damiennes family had the choice to be 'good' as in they didnt have to kill. Edward knew Damienne was hurting inside, he only wished he could ease the pain. Though he was sure any input he had to give about the matter would only make things worse. Especially when Damienne learned that he had been lying to her all this time and had been letting her suffer in silence when really he already knew everything. That would hurt her even more and the very thought of hurting Damienne made Edward flinch slightly, he never wanted to hurt her, except now he had no idea how not to hurt her in some way.

Edward sighed gently as she said it was complicated and that she didnt understand what he saw in her. 'It seems that everything is complicated at the moment.' He mused gently as he held her close. 'I can't really see what you see in me either if I am honest Mia...' He sighed gently, most humans avoided him, called him a freak. Well at least the boys did, he knew a lot of the girls tried catching his eye but he simply wasnt interested. They didnt like him because of who he was, but because of the way he looked and the money his family had. Over time he had learned to ignore their thoughts and they too had learned that it really wasnt worth trying. Until he had met Damienne Edward had been convinced he would never find any girl worth his attention. Yet here in his armswas a girl that he held onto for dear life, so scared to let her go incase he never got to hold her again.

He looked into her eyes as she pulled away from his neck and looked up to him. He let out a soft sigh as she said that this was meant to be about him and Alice and that he should ignore her. 'I would never ignore you Mia. Alice... Is beyond my help.' He gritted his teeth slightly at the comment. It was true though, there was nothing he could do. Right now the best thing for him to do was stay away for a while to make sure no one got wind of Damienne. He looked down to his smashed mobile on the floor, well it wasnt like Carlisle could ring him now to tell him to come back or not. He would need to go into town and pick up another cell phone. It wasnt like they couldnt afford it after all, they were only material things, they didnt really matter in the long run. Edward had never wanted anything more than what he found in Damienne, comfort and companionship. 'Looks like I need to make that trip into town sooner rather than later... He smirked a little at Damienne before planting a soft kiss on her forehead, with the shock over he could hide his feelings from her better... He didnt want her to worry.

[Damienne F. Renton]

Damienne chewed her lip as she watched Edward nodding. She wasn't sure what she was doing to help his anguish. She just felt like she was making matters worse by simply talking, that it didn't really matter what she was saying, she was just upsetting him further. “Alright,” she muttered sadly when he told her not to apologise, pointing out that her idea wasn't as stupid as she thought it actually sounded. She cast her eyes down for a moment as Edward sighed. She could definitely say that she hated seeing him like this. She hated the idea of him being so down and what made matters worse was that it was about family. She lifted her eyes to him as he spoke again, contemplating the words 'I get that...' in a sort of unspoken response. She did realise she had thought it and not said it out loud, but she could just keep answering him back. That would probably only make matters worse. She was trying to make him feel better about the situation. She wanted to bring even a small smile or glint of hope back to his face.

She considered Edward's explanation about Alice and her not being able to remember her past. “So it could very well be likely that it's a regression of sorts then?” she questioned softly. Maybe she was pressing the matter far too much in trying to make Edward feel better about this, but at least she was trying something instead of sitting feeling totally useless. “A situation in which she wouldn't even be able to recognise as herself?” she continued to ask. This was nobody's fault, so no blame could be cast in any direction. Another thing was that there had to be a rational explanation for this. There always was, so there just had to be. Even for the strangest things, there was always a rational explanation hidden somewhere in the context of the thing. Sometimes, it was just a matter of trying to find it. Sometimes, it lay in the weirdest places. You just had to look. She didn't want to pry that far. That was the prerogative of the Cullens and Hales. She was an outsider, looking in at the situation as a whole, not being able to appreciate any minor elements.

She laughed lightly at his words, more out of ironic nerve than anything else. 'Everything's always complicated,' she mused, closing her eyes and nuzzling against his solid frame as he held her close. Her eyes opened slowly and she pulled away slightly to look up at Edward's face, head tilted slightly when he said he couldn't really see what she saw in him either. “We should just learn to agree to disagree on that one...” she began, laughing lightly again when she realised that it didn't really make much sense in relation to the conversational context. “...Or something because I think we're both too stubborn to not see it,” she went on, reaching up to run a hand down his cheek. 'At least for now,' she added to herself, chewing on the inside of her lip as she searched his dulling golden coloured eyes. She shook her head slightly as she observed him. She couldn't believe that he couldn't see what she could see...but he couldn't believe that she couldn't see what he saw, so they were pretty much even in that essence of disbelief.

Her eyes stung slightly as Edward said he would never ignore her. 'Maybe it would be easier if you did...' she answered in her head. So much for being open and honest with him. She lifted her eyes to look at him, blinking away the threatening sting. “Alice is part of your family...” she began in a reply, trying to keep her tone as level as she could. “Family's more important,” she added softly. It oddly hurt to hear herself say those words, considering how she didn't regard the majority of her her family as that important when they treated her and her dad the way that they did. She continued to look at Edward even as he looked away, looking at something on the floor. He seemed so set in the idea that he couldn't help Alice now. She didn't know Alice as well as she could, but she had a feeling that maybe somewhere along the line all Alice would want would be for Edward to be there, even if he didn't do anything. She couldn't decide if that was her own ideas coming through more than her intent on trying to decide if it was something Alice would appreciate from him.

That was when she remembered the smashed phone that lay in pieces on the wood floor a little way away from them. She followed Edward's gaze to the little pile of shattered plastic, twisted metal and snapped circuits. Technology didn't really hold the same weight as it used to...that was something her dad always said. Things always seemed to break so easily, though that tended to be dependant on the initial manufacturer. She shook off the tech-talk from her head. Talk about easily distracted. She continued to observe the little heap as Edward spoke about needing to go to town sooner rather than later. She closed her eyes as she felt Edward pressing a soft kiss against her forehead. That seemed to make the decision instantly for her. “You should stay here tonight,” she offered without thinking, tone quite set in it's intention. He seemed so certain that he couldn't help Alice that she thought that he wouldn't be helping himself if he went home tonight. “Then we can go to town tomorrow,” she continued, turning to him with a soft smile.

[Edward Cullen]

Although Edward now knew the reason for Alice acting so strangely was something to do with the Volturi. Edward was finding it hard to imagine why they had gotten involved in the Cullen's affairs. Edward knew they were interested in vampires with gifts such as Alice's and his, however this was a very bold move by Aro and Edward couldnt understand why. 'Perhaps' He knew it wasnt a regression, it was something far more sinister but there was no way of making Damienne understand. Instead he gave in, it wasnt really a subject he wanted to linger on for very long. Though her thinking about there being a rational explination for it amused him slightly. Damienne should know better than to think that, after all was believing in Werewolves rational? I'm sure most normal people would disagee. Though she was still under the impression the Cullen's were human, that they were normal. However they were certainly far from that. One day perhaps she would understand that anything to do with the Cullen's was far from rational in the human sense. Then again perhaps the answer to Alice's illness was rational... In a Vampire sense anyway. Though this was something totally new that even Carlisle hadnt encountered before and he was over 300 years old. So if it was rational it certainly didnt happen very often. A slight smirk came to his lips as he realised he was stupidly trying to rationalise the situation himself now.

Edward foundhimself nodding to Damienne's thought about how things were always complicated. Though his nod didnt really seem out of place. The Cullen's were just complicated full stop, there was no simplicity in their lives. There was always some elaborate facade they hid behind to try and make it seem like their lives were simple. If only that were the case. They always had some sort of issue to work around or something they had to 'fix'. Its why they always moved because if they stayed in a place too long their lives got too complex. The lies they had to weave so that Carlisle could keep doing what he did had to be well thought out and even then they couldnt stay in one area for too long. That was the trouble with leading a 'normal' human life when you never aged. 'Okay, if thats what you want...' He smirked slightly 'After all I know I'm right anyway.' He chuckled gently, he lifted his hand and gently touched the back of hers as she ran it down her face. He knew her views would change of him as soon as she found out all the lies he had fed her, once she found out that infact he had always been right. She judged herself too harshly and he didnt judge himself harshly enough.

Alice was important to Edward, however he knew there was nothing he could do for her. From what Carlisle said he seemed to have the situation out of control and he had said he didnt want Edward there for now. He had to have faith in his father and just trust that everything would be okay. He hadnt wanted Damienne to know about any of this in the first place anyway. His priority for now was her, he had to get his mind off of worrying for Alice. Anyway if the Volturi were around he had to keep Damienne safe and hidden from them. He wished he could explain to her why he couldnt help Alice, instead of sounding like he didnt care because that was far from the truth. He cared about Alice more than anything, except perhaps Damienne but that was a debate for another time. He loved his sister, he had a special bond with her that he didnt share with the rest of the family. Through their powers they understood each other better than anyone else, though of course Alice also had Jasper. Edward had no one but her who understood him totally. It was hard to see his sister going through this and not being able to help her, having to stand back and let Jasper help instead.

He thought on Damienne's suggestion of staying there that night and heading to town the next day. He would have refused out right if Carlisle hadnt insisted he stay there for now. However he could stay there with her, make sure she was safe and then head back to the house when she was sleeping and be back before she even knew he was gone. He could even let Jason know he was going to slip out but not to let her know... Then again he still wasnt sure if Jason knew that he didnt sleep, he might think it a litte creepy to know a few nights ago he had stayed awake all night staring at his daughter... 'If your dad doesnt mind...' He commented, he had a feeling Jason wouldnt say no. He would ring Carlisle back and let him know he was coming back later in the night. He looked to the phone on the floor for a second before looking back to Damienne. 'Could I use your phone for a second though? I need to let Carlisle know.' Carlisle wouldnt be able to stop him coming home as soon as Damienne was asleep, he needed to see his sister. He needed to know for himself that she was okay and he wanted to know what had happened.

Going to town was a good thing, it meant he could get a new phone and perhaps get something nice for Damienne too, if she let him. He hadnt been on a good shop in a while and perhaps it would get his mind off of everything. Though he wondered how Damienne would react to the Cullen way of shopping, nothing was too expensive for them. They all wore expensive designer clothes, drove the best cars and had the newest phones and gadgets. Money was no object to them and so they spent it as they pleased. He would be happy kitting out Damienne's wardrobe a little, saving her from Alice's idea of a shopping spree which would involve a lot of lace. 'Going into town is a good idea, something tells me I am going to miss my phone.' At least he didnt have the dilemma of losing peoples numbers. One of the advantages of being a vampire was you never forgot things, every number he ever needed was stored in his head. It was simply for show to enter the numbers into the actual phone. It was also handy to see who was calling at a quick glance, otherwise he wouldnt bother. 'Anything you need to get in town?' He questioned gently with a smile.